


Vacancy

by mmarkcohenn



Series: No Vacancy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Babies, Baby, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Multi, Other, Pregnancy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 29,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmarkcohenn/pseuds/mmarkcohenn
Summary: Sequel to No Vacancy!





	1. Chapter 1

            You hit the bed hard after a long day—you hadn’t done much, Sam didn’t allow it. But everything about moving hurt and it felt like everything took four hours to do.  
            “Hey,” Sam smiled as he walked into your room, nudging the door closed just enough for some privacy—but enough to hear Violet if she started to cry.  
            “Hi,” you mumbled tiredly, pretty comfortable where you’d fallen in bed, though you wanted to move to get under the blankets.  
            “Let me get you some pajamas,” he said softly as he went to the closet to pick something you for you.  
            He came over and started to help you change.  
            “I hate feeling this useless,” you said softly, glancing up at him.  
            “You’re not useless,” Sam shushed, “you take care of Violet—and she needs you. You take care of me and Dean, we need you. You’ve done more today than you have since you had her—it’ll take some time for you to recuperate.”  
            “It’s been five weeks,” you mumbled softly, flopping back to the bed as you wiggled a little, watching him with big puppy eyes.  
            “Five difficult weeks,” Sam reminded you.  
            You thought back to the past month—Sam and Dean had left on a hunt pretty quickly after you’d given birth, where you stayed with Bobby—who was more than supportive. Often times you heard him talk with Violet, referring to himself as ‘Grandpa Bobby’’; making you melt each time. But on that hunt, Sam had gotten kidnapped and Dean had to fight tooth and nail to get him—needing the help of two local hunters to get him back.  
            After that, you said he wasn’t allowed to leave until Violet was out of the house at eighteen years old—but you both knew that wasn’t gonna happen. So, instead, the three of you worked together (with some help from Bobby) to get your own place, which you’d moved into about a week ago. Boxes still littered every room, but you were getting there. Violet was a kicker—she absolutely adored Dean, who would take her frequently to go and get some of the locals interested in him—and you heard about it all the time.  
            “She wanted to know if Vi was mine,” Dean explained one time after he’d taken her to the grocery store.  
            “And?”  
            “Well, I said she was my niece, but that her mom needed some well deserved rest.”  
            “And?”  
            “She thought it was sweet of me,” he grinned cheekily, “gave me her number—asked me to give her a call when babysitting ended.”  
            “I can’t believe my daughter is being used as bait for my brother,” Sam laughed, shaking his head.  
            And while it was funny, you loved the connection they had. It meant a lot to you to see that Violet still responded to him. Back when you were pregnant, anytime Dean sang, she’d start kicking like a soccer player—now? She grins and flails her arms around, showing off her toothless smile that always made your heart swell with pride.  
            She also loved Sam—he was the master at getting her to quiet down if she was crying. All he needed to do was put a hand on her head or on her side and she’d pipe down right away. Violet never seemed to spit up on him either—some magic ability kept her completely calm and happy around her father, which meant more to you than anything.  
            You were snapped back to reality when you felt Sam plant kisses along your thighs—slowly making his way back up.  
            “What’re you doing?” You blushed badly as you glanced down at him.  
            “I’m just taking in my girl,” he smiled and kissed your forehead. “showing her how much I love her.”  
            You wiggled around a little, your hands moving to his hair, “you know I haven’t been cleared for that yet, right?”  
            “Not long, though,” he responded, pressing kisses to your stomach—seeming to kiss along your stretch marks only.  
            “Don’t tease me,” you whined, your hips wiggling more.  
            “I’m just kissing you,” he grinned and kept kissing--finally moving all the way up to kiss your cheeks.  
            You sighed and nuzzled into his neck, wanting to be closer.  
            “Get some rest,” he said quietly, “you’ve been through a lot today.”  
            “Yeah, I made some toast and I unpacked two boxes,” you muttered against his chest.  
            “Get some rest,” Sam said again, running his hands through your hair.  
            “Tell Violet good night for me,” you tiredly remarked as you nodded off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

           You hadn’t slept in about a week--and it was nothing to do with Violet. You had fallen into a spell of insomnia that only benefitted unpacking.

           Sam had started to notice--and he had been going on and on lately about taking care of yourself. While you were tired, you didn’t feel all that terrible--maybe some sneezing and coughing, but you were pretty good besides that. Late in the afternoon, you found yourself putting away dishes in the kitchen. Sam had gone out to get some groceries, leaving you and Dean to take care of Violet.

           She had been crying all morning--ever since Sam left. It’d been at least two hours and you were having a hard time with it.

           “Just go to sleep,” Dean sighed, bouncing Violet in his arms.

           “I can’t.” You shook your head and went to take her from him.

           “No,” he said softly, pulling away from you, “go to your room. I’ll calm her down.”

           You pouted and tried to go back to putting things away, but Dean gently pulled you away.

           “C’mon,” he sighed, biting his lip.

           “Just leave me alone,” you mumbled, “I’m fine.”

           “You’re getting sick,” he shook his head and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you out of the kitchen.

           “No I’m not,” you shook your head, gently pulling away.

           Violet started to cry louder and tears prickled in the corners of your eyes. You wanted to have a shot at calming her down, but you knew you’d only make it worse.

           “Please stop, Vi…” You nearly whispered, gently brushing some of her hair aside, “ _ please _ .”

           “Go to your room, I’ll call Sam.” Dean finally decided, “just--go take a minute.”

           You gave in and trudged to your room, closing the door behind you.

           After about five minutes, you started to doze off, but were abruptly awoken by the realization that Violet had stopped crying three minutes ago.

           Relief washed over you as you pulled your clothes off and threw them to the corner of the room. While you didn’t wanna admit to being sick, you couldn’t deny how warm you were. Sam came back after about twenty minutes--and in those twenty minutes, you had started sweating and feeling dizzy. 

           Sam walked into your room after you heard him talking to Dean. His eyes got big and Sam rushed over to you, pressing the back of his hand to your forehead, “hey--woah--what’s going on?”

           “Can I have some water?” You asked softly, looking up at him.

           “Yeah--of course, yeah.” He nodded and shouted for Dean, who came in a few minutes later, his eyes getting big when he saw how you looked.

           “Should she go to the doctor?” Sam asked, helping you sit up to drink.

           “Well--I mean--she might just be sick, Sammy.” Dean pointed out, “She was weak after giving birth and it’s easy to get sick during that time.”

           Sam nodded a little, but still didn’t like that solution. He huffed and played with your hair. “When was the last time you showered?”

           You looked at your hands, not wanting to admit to it, “about a uh--um--a week ago?”

           He sighed and nodded, “we’re showering.”

           “No,” you shook your head, feeling too gross to do that.

           “Go shower,” Dean prompted, “I’ll have clothes laid out and food made.” He said the latter to Sam, who nodded and scooped you up in his arms.

           You tried to get out of his arms, but Sam was holding you tight against his chest--which made you accept your fate.

           Sam carried you into the bathroom and started the shower, not getting it particularly warm since you were burning up. He got undressed too and carefully helped you into the shower. You rested your head against the cool tile, relishing in how nice it felt as you leaned against it. Sam gently pulled you up and started to wash your hair, letting you rest against his chest.

You wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled into his chest, glad that he was washing your hair for you. Sam was more than careful as he started to wash the rest of you, running his calloused hands down your back, scratching lightly. After a few minutes, you looked up at him and kissed along his jaw.

           “Thank you.” You spoke softly, tracing shapes along his chest.

           “I love you,” he kissed your forehead.

           “I love you too,” you responded quietly, nuzzling close to him.

           Soon enough, Sam picked you up and carried you out of the shower, drying you off quickly. He wrapped both of you in a towel and lead you back to your room. Right away, you climbed up on the bed and curled up into a tight ball; Sam got dressed and helped you into a pair of panties and one of his big t-shirts.

           “Drink some,” he told you as he handed you the cup of water you’d asked for earlier.

           You nodded and did as you were told; Sam left the room for a few minutes, coming back with some food and the pump you’d become attached to (literally).

           “Thank you,” you groaned, setting your cup down as you grabbed at the pump. So far, that was the worst part for you. Everything was still a little sore, but your boobs were  _ killing _ you.

           Sam moved to sit next to you, still holding the plate he’d brought. Once you were all set up, he handed it to you. Reluctantly, you ate it, wishing you weren’t so tired.

           “Violet’s doing good,” Sam nodded and played with your hair, “sleeping--like you should be.”

           “I will,” you nodded and glanced at him, “I promise.”

           “Today?”

           “Mhm,” you nodded again and handed him the plate, not interested in it at the moment. “Can I have more water?”

           “Yeah,” Sam watched you for a minute before he got up to get you another glass.

           Before he came back, though, you had fallen asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

           Violet was about a month and a half; becoming more of a person. Sam and Dean had left for a few hunts, but not many--neither wanted to leave the two of you alone for a long time. But lately it seemed like something was off with her, but you weren’t about to just assume anything--you were nervous to be too over protective or worrying too much. And Sam was pretty good at reassuring you that she was fine, but there was still something going on.

           After three weeks of them being gone (the longest it’d ever been), you were sitting in the living room, holding Violet tight to your chest as she slept. They had called about three hours ago, saying that they’d be home any minute. Anxiously you awaited their return, bouncing your leg as you listened for the key in the lock. You sighed and decided to put her to bed--she was already asleep and you were just holding her for something to do. After another minute, you got up and put her to bed.

           As you walked back out to the kitchen, you heard the door click and you jumped a little, unsure if it was your imagination or not. Thankfully, the door swung open and you rushed over--tackling Sam into a hug.

           “Woah,” he laughed softly as his arms wrapped around you, “you okay?”

           You nodded and nuzzled into his neck, standing on your tiptoes to reach.

           “Are you sure?” Sam pulled you back and met your eyes.

           “Yeah,” you nodded and kissed his cheeks, “can we go to bed?”

           “Yeah,” he smiled and kissed your forehead, “I’m gonna shower first--but you go get ready for bed, alright?”

           “Okay,” you smiled and kissed him quick.

           Sam smiled against your lips and pulled back, then hugged you tightly and went to go shower.

           “Hey (y/n),” Dean smiled, “did you have an okay time with Violet?”

           “Yeah,” you nodded and kissed his cheek, “she’ll be happy to have her uncle back.”

           He laughed softly and messed your hair up, “your boy’s excited to be back.”

           “I can only imagine,” you laugh and take his hand, squeezing it briefly before you went to your room.

           After moment of consideration--thinking about how Sam had just gotten back and the fact that you hadn’t had sex since Violet was born, you decided to change that. While Sam showered, you got into a nightie that you hadn’t gotten to wear just yet. You lit a few candles and sat on the bed, kicking your legs as you waited.

           Just a bit later, Sam walked in, drying his hair with a towel; pausing when he saw you.

           “What’s this?” He asked, smirking a little as he closed the door.

           You shrugged a little and played with the fabric of your nightie, “I just figured we could celebrate you being back.”

           He bit his lip and walked over to you, “celebrate, huh?”

           “Mhm,” you nodded and smiled up at him, “would you wanna?”

           Sam grinned and kissed you, his hands moving to rest on your waist. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down quite a bit--moving your hips to push against his. He inhaled shakily and pressed his hands to your hips, making you whine quietly. Sam climbed over you and dropped his towel, slowly moving his hands up your sides to slide your nightie off.

           You wiggled a bit to help him, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulders as you tangled your hands into his hair--which had grown longer since you saw him last. He was better at staying quiet than you, because even when you nipped around, he stayed silent. Sam trailed his hands down your body and scratched lightly at your thighs, his hands moving inward.

           “Fuck me,” you said as you pulled back, meeting his eyes. 

           He nodded a little and tapped your thighs, “move up the bed.”

           This was different than usual--most of the time you two could communicate silently, but it seemed like Sam had something in mind. You did as you were told and shuffled up the bed, watching him as you settled down, biting your lip. Slowly, he moved up the bed and started kissing your thighs and hips--his eyes focused on yours as he carefully kissed around your chest, knowing you were sensitive due to breastfeeding.

           You whimpered softly and tangled your hands in his hair, blinking in surprise when he took your wrists in his hands and held them together, above your head. Breathlessly, you laughed and raised your eyebrows--not minding the sudden change in dominance, but finding it curious. Sam flashed a smile and kissed the underside of your jaw, your hips wiggling in anticipation. He bit your sweet spot and your back arched into his broad chest, your shoulders shaking as you tried not to fight his hold on you.

           Sam smirked against your skin and you could feel it.

           “Fuck you,” you whined, trying to move your hips in a way that would make him stop teasing you.

           “Time and place, sweetheart,” he laughed lightly, biting harder.

           You squeaked and your hips bucked up against his, shaking harder as you whimpered his name.

           “H--Here and now,” you manage--making him pull back.

           “You’re sassy today, huh?”

           “It’s been a while.”

           That made him smile again, and finally, he kissed you, adjusting a bit so his cock pushed into your pussy. You inhaled sharply and pushed against him, rocking your hips in time with his. Sam wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close to him as he grinded up into you. Cautiously, he let go of your hands--which you took as a sign to move them. But when you did, Sam pulled back and met your eyes.

           “Keep your hands up there.” He said firmly, “don’t move them unless I tell you to.”

           Your eyes grew wide, but you nodded and made a harsh movement with your hips--getting him to growl and start ravishing you with kisses again. His hips bucked hard against yours, making you jump slightly each time he fucked into you. Quickly, your first orgasm washed over you--shivering your way through it as you wiggled a little.

           “Remember our first time?” Sam asked as he backed up and pulled you with him.

           “Um--yeah--yes--yeah, I do,” you nodded after a minute, needing to think about it  as you tried to quickly collect yourself.

           Sam smirked and flipped you over, bending down low enough to press kisses to your shoulders. “I love you, kitten,” his voice was low and sultry, making something click together in your brain.

           Since he was being so dominant this time, you decided to play it up and whine, wiggling your hips as you begged, “fuck me, Master.”

           He inhaled sharply and grabbed your hips--holding them still as he pushed into you again, moaning at the new angle. Sam tangled a hand in your hair and pulled you up a little, peppering kisses down your shoulder. 

           “ _ Fuck _ ,” you muttered softly as you squeezed your eyes shut; bouncing back against him just to make his hips snap harder against yours. 

           “Mhmm,” he hummed and kept kissing, pulling your hips back down to his as he bent you back down and pressed you into the mattress.

           Sam must’ve gotten you a little lower or something that made the position more intense, but suddenly your legs were shaking and you clenched around him. He moaned loudly and came just as your legs gave out--your own orgasm shuddering its way through you. After a minute, Sam picked you up and placed you on the bed. He went and got pajama pants on and tossed you one of his t-shirts. Before he went to the bed again, Sam grabbed you a pair of panties and went over to your side, pulling them up your legs as he placed a few kisses to your knees and thighs.

           “I love you, baby,” he spoke softly.

           “I love you, lovie,” you smiled and pulled him up into a kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

           Sam and Dean had been home for about a week, and you were thankful for it. While they still searched for cases, they would turn them over to other hunters unless it was close enough to home.

           You hadn’t voiced your worries about Violet just yet. Even if each day made you a little more cautious, you weren’t ready to raise your hand and say that your baby had a problem. She made normal noises and was doing well in just about every aspect besides her hearing. You had noticed it after you dropped something in the kitchen while holding her. While the noise wasn’t too loud, you thought it should’ve startled her at least a little bit.

           But that had happened while Sam and Dean were away--and by the time they came back, you had pretty much forgotten all about it.

           Today you found yourself sitting on the floor with Sam, Violet laying on her stomach as she managed to lift her head to look at you both.

           “Hey Vi,” Sam grinned and tapped her hand, trying to get her attention.

She batted his fingers away, giving him a sour look that made you both laugh.

           “She’s sassy today,” Sam glanced at you, smiling cutely.

           “I wonder who she gets it from,” you laughed and kissed his cheek.

           “Both of us,” he nodded knowingly, and then picked her up and bounced her in his lap.

           “Fair enough,” you grinned and got up, “do you want anything? I’m going to the kitchen.”

           “A beer?” Sam asked, looking up at you.

           “I can do that,” you smiled and kissed the top of his head.

           You walked into the kitchen and got Violet a bottle, and just when you reached into the fridge to get Sam a beer, you heard the door open, and turned to look at Dean as he came in. Unfortunately, you bumped your hand into the beer carrier and sent it tumbling to the ground.

           “Shit!” You shouted as the bottles crashed to the floor, shattering loudly.

           “Woah--you okay?” Dean asked as he went over to you, helping you hastily clean up the mess left behind.

           “Yeah…” You mumbled and threw away some glass.

           “Good,” he nodded and helped you clean.

           A few minutes later, you came back to Sam and found him staring at Violet curiously. Dean had followed you in and noticed it too.

           “Uh--Sam?” He asked, “what’s wrong?”

           “Clap really loudly,” Sam nodded and glanced at his brother quickly. “I just--I need to see something.”

           Dean nodded slowly but clapped anyways, despite the confusion. While it was a little startling to you, Violet didn’t even flinch. Sam glanced over at the two of you, about to say something when Vi suddenly realized that Dean was there, and cooed happily. He went over and picked her up out of Sam’s arms, letting her bat his shoulder playfully.

           “Sam, what’s going on?” He asked, looking between the two of you.

           “Violet didn’t notice the sound of whatever broke in there.” Sam filled you in, shaking his head, “at all--she didn’t even blink.”

           You bit your lip, and confessed. “I dropped two pans in the kitchen last month and she didn’t respond to that either.”

           His eyebrows furrowed together and he got up, going over to the other side of the living room, “hey Vi.” Sam said at his normal volume.

           When she didn’t respond, he took a few steps, and continued to do this until he was about two feet away from her, when she finally whipped around to notice him. 

           Sam opened his mouth like he was gonna say something, but came up short and shook his head, more than confused. You and Dean were silent too, not sure what to say about it at all.

           Finally, you broke the silence and took her from Dean, “we’ll call her doctor tomorrow.” You sat with her on the couch and helped her hold the bottle, trying to focus on anything else.

           Sam nodded a little and went over to you. He kissed the top of your head, then the top of Violet’s head and sat next to you, resting against your shoulder.

           “I’ll make some food,” Dean concluded, nodding as he went back to the kitchen.

           Both of you were silent, trying to think of the best case scenario. But neither of you could come up with anything, so you just shuffled closer.


	5. Chapter 5

           “Good morning,” Sam smiled and kissed your forehead, “c’mon, you’ve gotta get up.”

           You groaned and rolled over, nuzzling into your pillows. “No.”

           “C’mon, Vi’s appointment is in about an hour.” He gently tugged you up, peppering your face with kisses.

           You had been dreading today--what it meant. The fact that you had to go sit in a doctor’s office while he told you what was wrong with your daughter. No parent wanted that. No parents  _ ever  _ want that. 

           But suddenly, you and Sam were at the doctor’s office--you sitting nervously as you waited for a nurse to come out.

           Sam had Violet in his lap, bouncing her and making faces. Your own leg was bouncing for a different reason. 

           “She’ll be fine,” Sam reminded you, sighing quietly, “right, Violet?”  He asked, close enough for her to hear him and bat her hands around. “Yeah, see? You’re doing great.”

           “What if she isn’t?” You asked for the first time.

           Neither of you said a word. She obviously wasn’t fine, but neither of you had even said anything about the possibility that something was wrong with her. Not even in a passing comment of worry. You couldn’t help but feel fucked. It caught in your throat and you put your head in your hands, sighing shakily. 

           “Hey,” Sam said softly, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, “she’s gonna be okay. This happens sometimes and it doesn’t always last. And… If something  _ is _ wrong, then we’ll deal with it.”

           “I just hate feeling so unsure,” you mumbled, trying to keep your emotions in check.

           “It’s fine,” he shook his head and pulled you closer, “what’s up with you? Are you doing okay?”

           “Yeah--I just..” You shook your head and sniffed a little, “been feeling weird lately.”

           “What kind of weird?” Sam raised an eyebrow, his hand moving to lightly brush your hair back.

           “It’s stupid,” you mutter quietly.

           “It’s not stupid if you’re feeling it,” Sam pressed, “can we talk about it later?”

           You shrugged and pouted, not wanting to talk at all, but you finally nodded and took Violet from him, letting her rest against your chest.


	6. Chapter 6

           The appointment was fast.

           Well, actually long. But fast for everything they had to do. 

           The doctor had said that Violet’s hearing was impaired, but that she wasn’t completely deaf. He had given you some pamphlets on hearing aids and implants and other things you didn’t want to think about. All you could think of was how it must be for her--if she could hear completely after her birth or if it had been declining steadily this whole time. After you had left the appointment, it just felt like you were going through the motions. Strapping her into the car seat, getting in on the passenger side, making small comments about the wildflowers that grew just a few blocks from your apartment. 

           It was almost like you had shut down, just functioning as a shell. But Sam wouldn’t let that last for long. He always noticed and he always talked to you about it, whether or not it helped.

           You went straight to your room and laid down, closing your eyes as you sighed tiredly, wanting to just sleep and let it all go away.

           Just a few minutes passed before Sam came into your room and climbed up onto the bed with you.

           “What’s going on?”

           With a shrug, you shifted and put your head in his lap, wanting to be close. “I’ve just--I guess I’ve been thinking about my family lately.”

           Sam nodded and played with your hair, knowing you needed it. “What about them?”

           “Just… What’s all happened.”

           He sighed and pushed, “(y/n), I know  _ nothing _ about your family. Which--it’s fine--but I’d like to know more. If you ever felt up to talking about them.”

           It took a minute for you to finally burst, “when we met I had just gotten thrown out by my dad. My brothers were there, my sister--they were all there. They heard him say everything to me and they saw him push me out the door.”

           Sam stayed quiet, listening patiently as he worked to put together the timeline in his mind.

           “And--I barely had enough time to grab some of my things and my keys before he slammed that door.” You choked out--definitely holding something back.

           “Why’d he throw you out?”

           “Because I tried to kill myself and he kept saying it was a grab for attention and that I wasn’t actually doing it.”

           “Were you? Sam asked, pulling you up to look at him.

           You gave a short nod and wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your head against his shoulder. “And I tried to do it at his house and he found me.”

           “What did he do after that?”

           “He said I was just trying to make things about myself and that I needed to stop being so desperate. And--um..”

           “What is it?” Sam asked quietly, his hand smoothing your hair back.

           “He told me to jump off a bridge as he closed the door.” Your voice was barely there as you nuzzled into him.

           “And your mom?”

           “She didn’t care,” you laugh softly, “she thought I was making desperate grabs for attention too--and--I tried to live with her for a while but I couldn’t stand it after a week.” You shook your head. “They didn’t want me. I was an accident. And they made it very clear that I wasn’t welcome--ever. But--even when I was a kid they didn’t want to deal with me. My dad’s high all the time and my mom neglected my sister and I.”

           “Wait--your dad’s always high?” Sam asked for clarification.

           “Yeah.” You nodded, “he grows his own shit too--and sells it. I um--he used to do worse. He used to do everything and anything he could get his hands on.”

           “While you were growing up too?”

           “Yeah.” You nodded, sniffling a little, “and when he’d be coming down he took it out on me.”

           “When did that start?”

           “Since I could walk,” you laughed sarcastically, “ever since I can remember he beat me.”

           Sam stayed quiet at that, nodding slowly as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

           “And my mom didn’t say shit. She thought that an abusive father was better than no father. Even after their divorce--I would come back to her house with these bruises that were handprints and--” You swallowed hard and shook your head, “she was scared of going to child services because she knew that my sister and I would mention how rare it was to have her home.”

           “Where would she go?”

           “She stayed at work until seven. Then drove to pick my sister and I up an hour away and we’d  _ maybe _ make it home by ten.” You nodded, trying to remember, “and on the weekends she would ditch us with our grandma or leave us home alone for days.”

           “What did your siblings do?”

           “My brothers were always in juvie or thrown out of both houses. They moved in with their girlfriends at seventeen and sixteen--they’d gotten them pregnant and our parents forced them to stay and have the baby even when the girls and their families were okay with abortions.” You shook your head, “my sister would take care of me. But she’s scared of my dad and won’t do anything to stop him. She wants to stay on his good side.”

           “But weren’t your brothers at the house that day?” Sam asked.

           “Yeah--they begged their ways back in.” You sighed shakily, fighting back tears. “And I--he never told them to go die. But he told me that.”

           “What else?” Sam tried to keep your thoughts moving.

           “I don’t know,” you shook your head.

           “There’s something else, though.” He could tell just from how tense your body was.

           After a few minutes, you couldn’t hold it back and started to cry into his chest. “I can’t remember any more of it, Sam. Things happened and I just don’t remember them. My body decided it was too traumatic to remember and blocked it out.” You shook against him, bunching his shirt up in your hands. “I can’t remember  _ years _ of my life because of whatever happened. I barely remember being seventeen. And that was  _ two  _ years ago. Just two fucking years! And--it just--if I can’t…” You gasped for air and finally found the words, “it makes me feel so goddamn  _ broken _ .”

           A beat passed and Sam tightened his arms around you, pressing another kiss to the top of your head.

           “A--And I’m scared that I’ll be like them,” you said harshly, as if you were yelling at yourself, “that I’ll be a shitty parent and that Violet will hate me.”

           Sam quickly pulled you up and met your eyes--his own watery and his cheeks tear stained. “Violet loves you, (y/n). You’re a better parent than both of them combined. You do more for her than anyone’s  _ ever _ done for you.”

           You started shaking harder, finally nodding as you took his hands, squeezing them, “I wanted to do better than them.”

           “And you have,” Sam laughed softly, shaking his head as he watched your eyes.

           “But--she’s--”

           “That has  _ nothing _ to do with you taking care of her. We couldn’t stop that even if we watched her all the time. And--it happens. It happens and we can handle it.” Sam tried to smile, not liking that all of this had happened to you. “We can handle it,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to your forehead.


	7. Chapter 7

           Sam left you and Violet off at the apartment while he went to go do  _ something _ . He had refused to tell you what it was--which didn’t exactly bother you, because Sam had seemed a little bit happier lately, and he’d done this a few times, but usually while you were asleep.

           You had put Violet into her crib, knowing she needed a well deserved nap after having a tiring day of frustration. There was nothing you could actually see or feel that was bothering her, but in the back of your mind you remembered that babies pick up on the emotions around them, and that your outburst a few days ago was still echoing through you. When she had finally settled down, it was about five in the afternoon--and despite her schedule, she was getting tired, and you needed a break.

           Dean had left at about three after being somewhat grumpy for no apparent reason. But you didn’t really care at the moment. You were thankful for the silence of the apartment as you cleaned up the kitchen and bedrooms. After about an hour and a half, Violet started to whimper in her room, and you went to get her. Normally, after an usual day for her, she was too upset to do anything; yet you had managed to get her to eat and play for a little before she started dozing off again--which didn’t exactly surprise you.

           She’d spent at least three hours crying on-and-off earlier--if not more. Part of it definitely had to be the fact that Sam had been gone practically the whole day, as well as the feelings that were clustering around the house. But she finally fell asleep in your arms and you put her back into her crib, expecting a long night.

           You started to clean the living room, though there wasn’t much to do in there. It was mostly trying to organize Violet’s toys and set out anything she might need or want in the morning. When you finally decided that everything looked fine, you laid back on the couch and closed your eyes--relishing in the moment of comfort.

           The door to the apartment opened and you figured it would be Sam. There was some fumbling around and you didn’t think too much of that either--staying where you were with your eyes closed. In a flash, you felt him hovering over you, the couch dipping under his weight as he straddled you in a makeshift way that had half of him on the couch, the other half hovering over the edge of it. Kisses pressed against your skin and you sighed in content--not used to the attention, but definitely not about to say anything bad about it.

           On instinct, your hips pushed up--especially when his lips grazed the spot that made your knees go weak. Your hands flew to his hair--expecting to find it long and soft like usual--but instead, you found short and smooth hair-- _ Dean _ .

           Your eyes fluttered open and you quickly wiggled out from underneath him, “woah--um--uh--Dean?”

           He blinked and looked up at you, something about his demeanor just glowed  _ ‘drunk’ _ .

           “Dean you should go to bed,” you quickly said--surprised that the older Winchester was inebriated at all. You’d seen him go through cases of beer and be untouched.

           “I’m fine, sweetheart,” he shrugged a little and got up, walking closer to you again, “better, in fact; now that I’ve got you.”

           “No, Dean, you don’t have me,” you shook your head and crossed your arms.

           He rolled his eyes and hummed at that, “okay--maybe  _ I _ don’t have you, but you’re here--and I  _ miss _ you.”

           Though the words were slightly slurred and unfiltered, you couldn’t help but agree a bit. You missed Dean too--at least, the closeness you had developed with him. It wasn’t even the romantic connection, it was the trust and warmth you felt with him. The one that had developed the night he told you that Sam was gone.

           “I miss you too, Dean, but not like that.” Your eyebrows furrowed together as you shook your head, “why don’t you sit down and I’ll get you some food?”

           “Only if you sit down too,” he winked and smirked.

           “No,” you shook your head, “we’re not together, remember?”

           He groaned and rolled his eyes, flopping back onto the sofa.

           “Don’t remind me.”

           “You’re the one who told me to go with Sam.” You said--ignoring his request. “I would’ve been happy with either of you.”

           “Either of us,” he repeated, scoffing at the end. “What? You wanted us both?”

           “Yeah,” you nodded, speaking truthfully, “I love you both. But  _ you _ told me that it was better to be with Sam.”

           He stayed quiet at that, not even looking at you as you stepped towards him.

           “I know it’s hard, really. But I’ve moved on. As much as I can, at least--I need you to move on too.”

           “It’s not that easy.”

           “I know,” you huffed, trying not to get angry with him, “I’m still not completely over you, Dean. It’s been what? About four months since we broke up? Less than that? There’s still parts of me that love you and miss you--and--I really doubt those will go away. But I’m learning to live with it, Dean; you have to too.”

           Neither of you said anything for a long time--you could see the fight in Dean’s eyes as he tried to decide if you were right or not. After a few, long minutes, you went over to him and ran your hand through his hair.

           “Just let me go.”

           “No.”

           He finally replied, his voice firm--that drunk edge gone.

           “I’m not giving up on you.”

           “Please, Dean,” you asked quietly, your eyes squeezing shut as you pulled away from him.

           “No. I took care of you better than Sam did.” Dean nodded, sitting up, “I--I kept you going. I kept you--”

           “You  _ both  _ did. Not just you. Not just Sam.” You finally snapped--getting pissed off. “And I helped myself. You’re not giving credit where it’s due, Dean. You and Sam aided me, but ultimately I had to help myself.”

           “You helped yourself because of Violet.”

           “So?”

           “That’s not really helping yourself.”

           “Shut up.”

           “Make me.”

           Silence fell heavy between you two--your eyes fixed on each others.

           “It doesn’t have to be this hard, Dean. You could just leave it alone and we could go on living. I know that it’s hard to let go, but I need you to. Violet needs you to. You were almost her dad and I hope she thinks of you like a second father. But I know you love us both--and I’m begging you, forget how you feel about me.”

           Dean got up, his face turning into a sour expression, “just forget? Like it’s nothing? You wanted us to just forget about you when we found you on that bridge--as if you hadn’t--”

           “You didn’t want me around when you met me.”

           “I  _ never _ said that.”

           “You sure as hell made it seem that way.”

           “I don’t deal with touchy-feely crap. That’s not my M.O. You should know that by now.”

           “Oh--that’s not your M.O., huh? What about all the days you spent talking to Violet while I was still pregnant? Or the times you sang to her? What about the days when I felt like shit and--”

           “You acted like you were broken!” Dean shouted, narrowing the space between you.

           “I felt broken!” You shouted right back.

           “You don’t get to just give up on life the minute it gets hard, (y/n). Life’s a bitch and it’ll keep bringing you right back around and never let you go. Whether or not you’re broken, you’re not gonna be given the long end of the goddamn stick. Things don’t get easier, I s--”

           “I swear to god,” you cut him off--remembering the arguments you used to have with him, “if you say that you should know, I’m gonna deck you!”

           That was a first.

           Never in your entire time of knowing Dean had you ever actually threat him with something like that. Sure, you’d said you kick him in the nuts--but that was always sarcastic or sassy--but right now, you meant it.

           “I’m learning to deal with things,” you finally said, “you should too.”

           And before Dean could say anything, Violet started to cry.

           Tears pushed over the edges of your eyes and you went to her room, picking her up out of her crib.

           Dean left the apartment with a slammed door.

           Sam was home a few minutes later.


	8. Chapter 8

           You hadn’t mentioned what happened to Sam. He didn’t need to know. You were both busy with an upcoming appointment for Violet that would give her hearing aids.

           The two of you had agreed that she would have them for as long as she wanted them--it wasn’t going to be something you forced her to wear. You and Sam had started learning sign language (Dean learned it mostly because he saw you two doing it all the time), and were trying to teach it to Violet as you learned. You both knew it was in her best interest to learn it earlier versus later--and the more that she was around it, the easier it’d be to learn.

           It’d been about a month or so since you and Dean had started fighting, and about three weeks since the three of you agreed to have silent hours where you predominantly spoke through signs--although there were times when you’d all have to ask a question from a different room or ask what a sign meant. Oddly enough, Sam seemed to struggle the most with learning it. But that being said, his time was starting to be spent doing  _ ‘something’ _ a lot more lately. 

           While at first it didn’t bother you, you were now getting annoyed by the late hours and the early mornings.

           You hated that it was taking him away from Violet.

           Unfortunately, you found yourself sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office alone, Violet bouncing in your lap. Sam had promised to be here for this.

           “Violet Winchester?” A nurse popped her head out of the door, “we’re ready for you.”

           You smiled fakely and stood up, putting her on your hip, “c’mon, baby, let’s go get you all better.”

           The nurse smiled at your positivity--used to parents being upset about their child having a problem like this.

           Little did she know that you were frustrated as  _ hell _ .

           You were checked out for most of the appointment--answering the doctor’s questions without hesitation, already knowing the answers by having done this before. Just before the doctor was about to put her hearing aids on, Sam popped in. 

           “Hey,” he grinned breathlessly and kissed your cheek, then the top of Violet’s head, “sorry I’m late.”

           “You’re not late,” the doctor reassured him, “just in time.”

           He smiled and bit his lip, going to take your hand--which you let happen. You didn’t squeeze his hand back, though, trying to keep yourself calm.

           The rest of the appointment went according to plan. And it wasn’t until you had put her in her car seat that Sam spoke again.

           “What’s wrong?”

_ What’s wrong? _ You laughed softly at the thought, rolling your eyes, “you wanna know what’s wrong?”

           “Yeah.” Sam nodded and leaned against the Impala door (Dean had let you borrow it, knowing you were having a hard enough time getting Sam to cooperate with you).

           “You’ve been practically missing from your daughter’s life for a month.” You narrowed your eyes at him, “that’s what’s wrong.”

           It took him a minute before he registered what you meant, “I know--okay? I’m sorry. I’ve just been working really hard on--”

           “On what?” You nearly snapped, “your daughter isn’t important enough for you so you have to work on something?”

           “Of course she is, (y/n), don’t say that.”

           “Then what’re you working on? Cause last time I checked you’re always gone on hunts or--or doing  _ something _ . Whatever the  _ fuck _ that means.”

           Sam huffed at that and shook his head, “I haven’t been on a hunt in weeks.”

           “You’ve been gone though,” you clenched your hands tightly, your eyes getting watery.

           He noticed and bit his lip, “I’m going back to school--okay? I’ve been meeting with counselors and my old professors and I’m gonna be back in classes soon.”

           You stayed quiet as you watched him, waiting for him to explain more.

           “It’ll be online so I can be at home with Violet all day--and I talked to Dean about it, so--”

           “You talked to Dean about it already?” You asked--your voice heavy. “And you didn’t talk to me?”

           “Well--it was kinda supposed to be a surprise.”

           “That’s not a good surprise, Sam,” you shook your head--finding yourself too emotional at the moment. “I--I would’ve rather had you--I don’t know.” You sniffed and shook your head, “just--you should’ve told me, okay?”

           Sam blinked in surprise and wrapped his arm around you, “what’s wrong?”

           “You’ve been gone for so long,” you mumbled softly, “and I just want you here with me.”

           “I am with you, though,” Sam shook his head.

           “But you’ve been gone--you’re not telling me what you’re doing or--or how you’re feeling or anything. Dean’s been around more than you have and I don’t--”

           “I’ll be around more, okay?” Sam cut you off with a promise.

           You stayed quiet and stared at his chest for a few minutes. Finally pulling away, “Violet needs to take a nap.”

           You got into the front of the car and glanced at him, “I’ll see you at home?”

           He nodded a bit in disbelief--not sure why you would leave it at that.

           Sam stepped away and went to his car--one you two had gotten from Bobby.

           On your drive home, you started to cry. You yourself not even sure why you were so upset. 


	9. Chapter 9

           “Hello Vi,” Sam grinned as he held her in the air--his arms extended fully. “What’re you doing?”

           She grinned and giggled, her arms moving wildly at her sides as she made happy noises.

           He quickly brought her down close to his face and lightly touched the tip of her nose with his and laughed when she broke out into a grin--showing off the littlest peeks of her first teeth.

           “How’s my beautiful girl?” He asked her, kissing her cheeks.

           You walked out into the living room, noticing that Sam had his computer set up and a few books out too. Things had been pretty tense since your argument--which you hated. Even if you had been upset, it didn’t mean you weren’t happy for him. He’d gotten to pick up right where he left off--how many people get to do that?

           He’d been waking up early ever since his classes officially began--which meant you got to sleep in most mornings. But today was pretty exciting--you’d gotten a job at a local office as a secretary (thanks to some resume “adjusting” with Bobby and Dean as your past employers). So you were thankful for the hour and a half extra sleep you’d gotten.

           You were wearing some nice jeans and a comfortable blouse--you’d been reassured that you were allowed to partake in casual Friday, even if it was your first day. From just a glance, you’d seen that Sam hadn’t had anything to eat or drink besides water, so you quickly made him some coffee and toast. Before you left, you went and set the mug and plate on top of one of his textbooks.

           “How’s my beautiful girl?” He asked again, his attention turned toward you--his voice much softer and less playful.

           “Anxious,” you admitted truthfully--thankful for the gentle interaction. “I’ve never had a real job.”

           “Yes you have,” Sam reminded you, adding a thank you as he reached for the coffee.

           “I’d hardly say a retail job counts, babe,” you smiled, biting your lip.

           “It’s more than nothing,” he nodded, bouncing Violet on his knee.

           You watched the two of them for a second, realizing how lucky you felt after just a few moments, “that’s true.”

           Another moment and you kissed the top of Violet’s head and Sam’s cheek, “I’ll be home at five.”

           “I’ll make dinner,” Sam nodded and reached up a bit more--kissing you on the lips. 

           Since the argument, you’d practically avoided kissing him--but in this moment, you were thankful for it. After a minute or so, you pulled back.

           “I love you, Sammy.”

           “I love you too, (y/n).” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long it's been! I've been really busy with school lately and haven't had any time to work at all. But I'm gonna try to upload as much as I can in the next few days!

           Your job turned out to be even less eventful than you expected. 

           But it was a job--something that would help keep you funded. And that’s all it needed to be.

           When you got home, Sam was in the kitchen with Violet on his hip--he was talking non-stop to her and you could tell it had been like that all day.

           You smiled at the sound of his voice--even if it was just chatter that filled the air, he was still speaking and it was nicer than the silence you were used to. As you entered the apartment, you made sure to stay quiet--just listening to him narrate his actions as you took your coat and shoes off.

           “And I’m about to make your bottle so mommy and I can have a calm night--cause Vi, we really need one.”

           She babbled softly, trying to imitate his voice.

           “Mhm, exactly,” Sam nodded, “plus it’s been a little harder lately--not gonna lie kiddo, something’s up with momma.”

           You hadn’t really thought about it until that moment when you realized you  _ had _ been off for a while now--even in the littlest of ways you were acting different.

           “But I’m gonna try and fix it tonight--cause I want her to know how important you two are to me,” he shifted how he was holding her just as he started to make her a bottle. “You’re my girls and I love you two. I just hope she sees that.”

           After a moment, you opened the door again--louder this time, and closed it loudly--giving him clear indication that you were home.

           “Babe?” Sam asked, poking his head out from the kitchen.

           You pretended to be putting your coat up and kicking your shoes off, smiling just a bit, “hey--how was your day?”

           “Good,” he nodded and grinned cutely, kissing Violet’s cheek, “someone’s been babbling with daddy all day.”

           “I see,” you laughed softly and went over to the two of them, putting your hand flat against Sam’s chest.

           He rested his hand over yours and kissed you softly, holding it until Violet started to wiggle out of his arms and into yours.

           “Hey baby,” you laughed as you pulled back, putting her on your hip, “does she have a bottle ready?”

           “Yeah,” Sam nodded, “but I’ll feed her--you go get ready for dinner.”

           “Get ready for dinner?” You smirked a bit, not used to the formal suggestion.

           “Set out plates?”

           “I can do that,” you smile and kissed his cheek, handing your daughter back.

           Even though Sam had asked you to put plates out, he had already pretty much done that--just leaving them in a stack on the edge of the small table you had in the corner of the kitchen. Behind you, Sam hummed happily and fed Violet, bouncing her around lightly as he carried her to a play pen that sat near the kitchen table.

           Dinner was better than you had originally expected--while usually Sam wasn’t a bad cook, his food skills were pretty limited. Yet it seemed like tonight was different, and you were more than thankful for it.

           Even though you wanted to help do things, Sam kept insisting that he was gonna take care of everything--which meant that he put Violet to bed and washed the dishes too while you went into your room to get ready for bed. 

           When he finally came in, you patted the bed and smiled, “how were your classes?”

           “They were good,” Sam smiled and kissed your forehead as he stripped. “My professors caught me up to where everyone else is.”

           “Good,” you nodded and curled up, watching him with big eyes, “I’m glad.”

           Sam hesitated and then kissed you softly, his hands traveling down to rest on your thighs. You moved closer to his touch, wiggling a bit as you shifted up, moving to straddle him. 


	11. Chapter 11

           There wasn’t anything that could’ve made that night better. In fact, now that Sam had confessed his big secret to you, he was doing everything he could to show how much he appreciated and loved you--in any way he could. That meant wake up kisses, quieting Violet at night when she cried, and anything else that might bother you. Dean was working on getting his own place, especially since things were growing tense between you two, though neither of you could pin why that was exactly. 

           But things couldn’t have been better, really. Work--while dull and mostly just paper shuffling, provided a nice break from a crying baby and Sam’s lawyer talk. You’d just been promoted too, at least, in a sense. Your boss had you coming into meetings now and taking notes on things, as well as using you as a sounding board for his latest advertising ideas, no longer just the office administrator (which turned out to be a secretary) you had signed up to be. 

           One afternoon though, you found yourself at the apartment without Sam--he’d gone out to get some books from the library and meet with a professor. You held Violet on your lap as you slowly started to doze off, your head tipping back until you jolted awake--scaring Violet a little.

“What’s been with you lately?” Dean asked, stepping into the living room, his eyes fixed on your drooping ones.

           “Nothing,” you shrugged, rubbing your eyes, “just... tired, I guess.”

           “You’ve been acting weirder for longer than this, though,” Dean gestured to you and took Violet, who was trying to tip off your lap.

           “I know,” you mumbled, “I’m trying--I really--”

           “Sam wanted me to find out what’s wrong.” Dean cut to the chase, “and I’m kinda curious myself.”

           “Great.” You groaned softly and shook your head, “I don’t know--I just feel like..”

           “Like..?” Dean pressed, raising an eyebrow.

           “Like I did when I was pregn-- _ oh shit _ .” Your eyes grew wide as you looked up at Dean, “fuck!” You shouted as you tried to remember the last time you got your period.

           Apparently, he wasn’t in a place to waste any time. “I’ll go get you some tests,” Dean handed Violet back to you and grabbed his keys.

           “But--”

           “No. You’re stayin’ here no matter what you say.”

           Your eyebrows furrowed together, but you nodded, not wanting to fight him.

           It took Dean approximately twenty seven minutes and thirteen seconds to go to the store and come back.

           Not like you were counting.

           When he walked in, he tossed you a box, which you caught with both hands and went straight to the bathroom as Violet started to cry. You huffed and went to turn back, only to find Dean walking towards her room too.

           “Nope. You go take those. I’ll handle her.”

           You groaned and turned back to the bathroom and waited nervously--rechecking that the box said three minutes. The two tests you had laid out seemed so harmless and meaningless. They were just pieces of paper in a plastic wand, searching for a specific hormone or something. That’s all they were. But right now, they were the most terrifying things in the world. The three minutes passed and you waited three more, just out of fear.

           But when you  _ did _ finally look, you saw a pair of tests, each with two little bright blue bars.


	12. Chapter 12

           You waited anxiously for Sam to get home.

           Dean was sitting next to you, his arm around your shoulders--whatever had been going on between you was taking a break for the night. You had your face in your hands as you tried to figure out how this would all fit together. The tests were sitting on the coffee table, Violet asleep in her crib. Dean rubbed your back, staying quiet as he tried to think of ways to help you. But after a few minutes of silence, you shuddered and cried softly, whimpering as you rubbed your eyes roughly.

           “He’s gonna be mad--I know it,” you managed between cries.

           “No he won’t,” Dean shook his head, “surprised? Sure. Mad? Not a chance.”

           “You don’t know th--”

           Just then, the door to the apartment opened and you tensed--snatching the pregnancy tests off the coffee table. “I’ll tell him.”

           “You better.” Dean shook his head and got up, “I’ve got a date.”

           He announced it loud enough to catch Sam’s attention.

           “Same girl as last time?” Sam asked, sounding surprised as he walked into the living room.

           “Yeah,” he nodded, smiling, “I’ll see you later.”

           Something about that sounded off, but you didn’t have the whereabouts to doubt them. So instead, you got up and went to your room, accidentally brushing by Sam--making him worried about you right away.

           “Good luck, man,” Sam said to Dean as he followed you into your room, setting his books down on the nightstand.

           You pretended to be busying yourself with some clothes that didn’t need to be refolded, but you were doing it anyways.

           “What’s going on?” Sam asked, gently tugging you away from the clothes.

           “Nothing,” you shrugged, “nothing.”

           “It’s something,” he shook his head and pulled you to the bed, “can you sit down and tell me what’s going on?”

           “I don’t wanna,” you mumbled softly and curled up on the bed, shuffling as far away from him as you could.

           “C’mon, I need you to tell me.” He scooted closer to you, his hand going to play with your hair.

           “You’re gonna be mad.”

           “No I won’t. I promise,” Sam nodded, laying down a bit to face you easier.

           You stayed silent for a minute before you set the tests on the bed, quickly getting up to go into the bathroom. Even though it’d only been a second, Sam grabbed your wrist and held you there.

           “Hold on.”

           His voice was tough, and you couldn’t help but tear up at it. It was silent for several minutes, Sam’s grip on you got tighter as he realized what was going on. But he stayed silent, and after a minute, he let you go and picked up the tests.

           “We’ll go to the doctor to be sure, okay?”

           Now his voice was softer--much quieter.

           “I just don’t want you to be stressed out too much,” Sam got up and went over to you, “I’m happy about it, I am--but you’ve been so stressed out lately that I just… I wanna make sure you’re not getting too overwhelmed with work and Violet and another baby.”

           “Okay,” you nodded and rubbed your eyes. “I um… I want it.”

           Sam nodded and wrapped you in his arms. “Then--as long as you follow what the doctor says with your stress and everything, then okay. Let’s have another baby.


	13. Chapter 13

           Dean had finally moved out a few weeks later, which took a huge weight off your shoulders. While he was over often, it was mostly to help take care of Violet or try to convince Sam to go back on a hunt. Which rarely worked.

           Though, there were times where it  _ did _ work.

           Sam and Dean had been gone for about two weeks, and thankfully Violet had been practically an angel for you. She didn’t cry often and mostly wanted to be held, though she occasionally liked to be held by her armpits so she could kick her legs around and waddle. Things were going okay for her hearing wise--while there was no improvement, there hadn’t been any worsening, and the doctors were still hopeful that she would grow out of it.

           Just in case though, you’d started trying to learn sign language, and had taught some basics to Violet (‘want’, ‘eat’, ‘drink’, etc.) The new baby seemed to be doing well, you’d gone to a doctor with Sam before he left and it was confirmed that you were pregnant, and you’d had your first ultrasound done as well. 

           The only thing that seemed out of place was Sam. You never realized how much you liked hearing the sound of him tapping away at his computer keys while he worked on school, or the chatter about his teachers and papers. Without him the apartment seemed too quiet, and no matter how much you tried to get used to it, you couldn’t. In the past two weeks, you’d barely had any conversation with someone other than Violet. At work, everyone seemed to ignore you, though the good thing about that was that your boss let you bring Violet in since she was quiet. You only ever got to speak with other adults at the grocery store, and even that was only a few words. 

           But you were getting used to it. Which sounded a lot sadder than you liked to admit to.

           What made it worse was that your birthday was coming up--just a week away, to be exact. While it’d never been something you enjoyed, you were hoping for it to be different now that you were with Sam. But at the same time, you couldn’t help but think about how you weren’t even twenty one yet and you already had one baby and another on the way. You’d lived up to your parents expectations so far--but at least Sam was still around for you, which is a lot more than you could say for your other family members who’d gotten knocked up and ditched. 

           All of this ran through your mind as you milled around the kitchen, rewashing some plates that you had deemed too gross to eat off of. Violet was in her high chair, gnawing on some mushed up fruit. From the kitchen, you could hear the TV, which you had left on in the living room. A few commercials were running, the same jingles over and over again; you didn’t expect the third one to get cut off halfway through, but when it did, you turned off the faucet at the familiar name that was said.

           “An accident today including an Impala and a Crosstour occurred at 4 pm just off of Route 66.”

Sure, there were lots of Impalas, but something gave you a sour feeling. You turned off the water and crept into the living room, surprised to find that sure enough--the Impala involved in the accident was black and looked awfully similar to the ‘67 you were used to. Only that it was crumpled up now, and the two front doors were being cut off to get some people out. Your heart dropped when you heard the newscaster say that three men had been in the car, even though they didn’t give any names or descriptions, you were terrified that it’d been Sam, Dean, and Castiel. Your legs grew weak and you had to shuffle back so you landed on the couch, rather than the floor.

           As a heavy feeling sunk into your chest, there was a flutter, and you glanced up to see Castiel, who had a few nicks and bumps all over.

           “Cas?” You asked, looking up at the angel.

           “He’s fine,” Castiel said calmly.

           “Was he in the accident?” You pressed, getting up again as you walked over to him.

           “He’s fine,” he repeated, “he’ll be home in two days.”

           “You’re not answering my question, Cas,” you shook your head, “was he in the accident?”

           Castiel glanced at the TV, watching it for a moment before he turned back to you, “he wasn’t in that accident.”

           “But he  _ was _ in one?” Your eyes got big as you clutched onto his jacket.

           “Yes,” Cas nodded, “but he’s fine. He’ll be back in two days with Dean.”

           “Can’t you just zap him back?” You practically begged, your hold on him tightening.

           “They aren’t done yet,” Castiel shook his head and glanced down at your slightly grown bump--the ladies in your family were quick bloomers when it came to the second baby. “Why didn’t Sam and Dean leave someone with you?”

           “Oh--um…” You shrugged a little and waved your hand, “cause I can take care of myself?”

           “You’re putting yourself under too much stress.” Cas nodded and went to the kitchen.

           You followed behind him, but stood in the doorway when he went to pick up Violet. You’d never seen him do this before--though it wasn’t an issue, you were just surprised to see him interacting with her. Violet wiggled around and batted her hands, giving Cas a toothless grin.

           “She looks like Sam,” he decided after a moment, nodding as if it all clicked together.

           “Yeah,” you nodded, smiling just a little as you watched them.

           “Her hearing is better,” Cas announced, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Violet. “Not great, but better.”

           “Could…” You thought about your question for a moment before you launched in, “could you fix it? I mean--just so she doesn’t have to live with that. I can’t imagine what it’d be like and--”

           “She was born this way,” Castiel shook his head and bounced Violet a bit, “yes, I can fix it, but she was created to live with this.”

           You nodded slowly, glancing down at your hands, “I just don’t want her to have a hard time.”

           Castiel seemed to consider it, but he shook his head, “she won’t. Violet has you and Sam to be there for her--as well as Dean. She’ll do just fine.”

           You sighed but nodded, then waved him over, “wanna learn how to take care of her?”

           He nodded a little and went over to you, “yes please.”

           For the next two days, you had Castiel to help you around the house--the company much appreciated. And he was learning how to care for Violet pretty quickly, which allowed you to sleep later and take naps whenever you got too tired.

           Things were going good, and you couldn’t help but be thankful for it while it lasted.


	14. Chapter 14

           When Sam came home, you launched onto him and wouldn’t let go.

           “Woah--hey,” he laughed, wrapping his arms around you, “happy to have me back?”

           You hummed in agreement and nodded, nuzzling into his neck, “very happy.”

           “Good,” Sam smiled and hugged you for a moment before he got you to let go of him. “How’s the baby?”

           “Okay I think,” you nodded, “not much has happened since you left.”

           “You’ve certainly grown,” Sam pointed out and put his hand on your bump, which  _ had _ grown quite a bit.

           “I think it just wants to make its presence known,” you grinned a bit and shrugged, putting your hand over his.

           He smiled at the comment and kissed you, keeping his hand where it was. After a moment, he pulled back and took your hand, “c’mon.”

           While you didn’t know what his plan was, you would follow him to the ends of the Earth right about now. Anything as long as you were together.

           Sam pulled you to your room and patted the bed, “I’m gonna shower quick, but you get comfy, okay?”

           You bit your lip and watched him for a moment, thinking quickly before you wrapped your arms around him, “can I shower with you?”

           He smiled and kissed the top of your head, “of course you can.”

           A few minutes later, you were in the shower together. The two of you were in an embrace--you weren’t ready to let him go. It took only a little while before Sam had moved you two and started to wash your hair. The idea of showering together was nice, though the water did keep getting in your eyes. The same happened to Sam when you attempted to wash his hair--but of course, you were a bit too short to really reach his hair, no matter how much he bent down.

           But a bit later, you two were curled up in bed, your head resting on Sam’s chest. He sighed softly, in a content way that made you smile. You could hear his heartbeat, which slowly started to lull you to sleep. Before you could fall asleep, though, Violet started to cry. As you sat up to get her, Sam got up first and kissed your cheek.

           “I’ll check on her, it’s been too long,” he smiled warmly and went to get her.

           He came back shortly, holding a happy baby in his arms, “someone was happy to see her daddy.”

           “She missed you,” you nodded and patted the bed.

           Sam took the hint and came back to sit next to you, holding Violet close to his chest.

           “She’s been sadder since you left,” you nodded, looking up at him.

           “How can you tell?”

           “She’s just been different.” You shrugged, “not as smiley and happy. Having Cas around helped, but he’s no match for her dad.”

           Violet cooed in what you liked to think was agreement, which only made you smile.

           “See?” You stated confidently, “she wanted you back.”

           “Well, I am back,” he nodded and bit his lip, “and Violet’s gonna have lots of time with her dad now that she’ll stay home again.”

“I think that’s good,” you nodded and kissed his cheek, “her hearing’s still the same, by the way.”

           “That’s not too bad,” Sam held her up in the air and wiggled her around a little, “at least it’s not getting any worse.”

           You nodded in agreement and laid back, watching the two of them.

           After a minute or so, Violet did the sign for drink, and Sam blinked in surprise, looking at you, “did you teach her that?”

           “Mhm,” you nodded, “she knows drink, eat, and want--there’s a few others too but those are the ones she uses all the time.”

           “Wow,” he nodded slowly and set her on the bed, “I’ll be right back, Vi, stay with mommy.”

           “You’re talking like she’ll get up and walk away,” you laugh, shaking your head.

           Sam shrugged and went and got her a bottle, he came back a few minutes later  and picked her up again, “a lot changes when I’m not here.”

           “I know,” you nodded and shuffled closer to him, “I tried to call you but you were--”

           “Busy,” Sam filled in for you, “I know.”

           You sighed and kissed his cheek, watching as he fed Violet. “You don’t have to go, y’know.”

           He bit his lip and nodded a little, “it’s just what I know--it’s what I’ve been taught.”

           “You’ve said it yourself that you don’t like that life though,” you pointed out.

           “I know,” Sam nodded, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it. It’s just… Hard, I guess. Because while you save people, you hurt them too--you hurt lots of people and I don’t want that to be us. I don’t want to hurt you and Violet.”

           You watched him for a moment, trying to figure out what was causing all of this. But when you couldn’t figure it out, you just replied, “but you saved me, Sam. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t have Violet or this new baby. No matter what you do, you’re not gonna hurt me. I promise.”

           He swallowed hard and looked at you, biting his lip, “I love you.”

           “I love you too,” you smile.            


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A special chapter for Sam on his birthday!

           About two months passed, Sam was home for good--at least for a while. Since then, he left a for a few days, but it was a local hunt and the only reason he was gone was to stake out the location.

           But he was back, and that’s what mattered to you. You’d had a pretty late night together--the baby seemed to like to keep you up until three am, and Sam--bless him, would stay up with you. He had caught up with the signs you were teaching her and, somehow, you two had taught her some more, and she was doing  _ very _ well. Work was lightening up on you. Your boss was more than happy to hear about you and your babies and frequently asked how you felt. Your co-workers offered to take care of Violet any day that you and Sam needed it.

           And today was one of those days.

           Though you didn’t know it yet.

           Sam had woken up early one morning and taken Violet to Dean’s place, easily sneaking back in since you were passed out from a long night. He was back soon enough, though; you rolled over to find that you were being squeezed against his chest. Breaking out in a smile, you wiggled around and looked up at him.

           “Morning,” your voice was barely audible, not wanting to break the silence that spread so nicely around the room.

           “Morning,” Sam matched your voice, grinning through it though.

           “What’s got you smiley?” You grew a little louder as you rubbed your eyes, smiling badly yourself.

           “Just my beautiful girls,” Sam said.

           “Well, you don’t know if this one’s a girl,” you shook your head and pointed to your bump, “or if we’ll get lucky and have a boy and a girl, or--”

           “Lucky?” Sam laughed softly, playing with your hair.

           “I think we’d be very lucky to have two.”

           “I’m hoping for just one, (y/n),” Sam shook his head and kissed your cheek.

           “It’d be nice for two, though, wouldn’t it?” You smile, biting your lip as you looked up at him.

           Sam considered it for a moment, tracing shapes on your bump, “I think it’d be hard, but that we could manage it.”

You nodded in agreement and kissed his cheek, closing your eyes again; happy as you laid back and listened to his heart pound. After a second or two, you felt something on your bump, and you opened your eyes to see a small velvet box sitting there, tipping perfectly.

“Wait--what?” Your eyes grew big as you glanced over at him, “are you..?”

           “There’s only one way to find out.” He grinned cutely and bit his lip.

           You opened the box and nearly squeaked in surprise when you saw the ring. Quickly, you shifted over him and kissed his cheeks--though your bump kept you fairly separate. Sam just laughed and cupped your face in his hands, making it so you looked at him, “is that a yes?”

           “Yes!” You smiled and kissed him, grinning against his lips.


	16. Chapter 16

           The rest of the day Sam had planned pretty accordingly. The two of you spent most of the day in bed cuddling and getting frisky, but once it got to be five, Sam rolled out of bed and went to the closet.

           “C’mon, we’re gonna get dinner with Dean and Bobby,” he glanced over at you, smiling pretty cutely.

           “But I wanna stay in bed with you,” you pouted, wiggling around a little.

           “If you come with and behave, I’ll treat you later,” he flashed a flirty smile, his eyebrows moving up and down.

           You tried to hold up and look unaffected, but after a minute, you started to blush badly and you hid your face in your pillows.

           “So you’ll come with?” Sam grinned, walking over to you.

           “Mhm,” you glanced up at him, your eyes trailing up and down his body for a moment.

           “Later,” he pretended to scold you, but was grinning too much for it to come off that serious.

           After about half an hour, you and Sam were in the car on your way to some local place that was popular for their wishing fountain (the boys had checked it out and found that there was nothing magical about it, just stories). As you got out of the car, you heard a familiar squeak just two cars away and saw Dean holding Violet, the both of them dressed nicely as well.

           You broke out in a grin and went over, taking Violet out of Dean’s arms, “hey baby.”

           Violet grinned and batted her arms around, which always made you happy.

           “She was good?” Sam asked as he came up behind you.

           “Always is,” Dean nodded in agreement, and then held out a folded up piece of paper to you.

           Something about it seemed bad, but you took it anyway, watching Dean’s eyes as you did--he didn’t give any indication about its subject or context, which added to that bad feeling.

           “Where’s Bobby?” You finally spoke up, trying to set Violet on your hip. Since you’d gotten bigger, that’d become harder, and now you couldn’t hold her there easily without her thinking your bump was a set of drums.

           Sam took her from you and tossed her in the air, catching her as she came back down, “he said he’d wait inside for us.”

           With perfect timing, Bobby popped out of the door and held his hand up to catch your attention.

           The three of you made your way over to him and right away he pulled you into a tight hug.

           “It’s good to see you--I didn’t realize how far along you were…”

           “It feels like it’s growing at triple the speed Violet did.” You muttered, pulling back after a moment.

           Bobby looked at Violet and smiled, “well have you grown or what? The last time I saw you you were a little pipsqueak.”

           “She went through a Sammy growth spurt,” Dean nodded in agreement, “just cuter.”

           You snickered and shook your head, “I’m biased, they’re both cute to me.”

           Sam rolled his eyes and pulled you over to him, kissing you quickly.

           Even though it was nothing more than just a peck, you could almost feel the frustration radiating out of Dean. Bobby sensed it too, but didn’t say a word. Instead, he just ushered the four of you into the restaurant.

           The meal went well--better than you had expected it. When the boys were talking about hunting jobs and if Sam should go on any, you excused yourself and went to the restroom.

           Thankful for the one stall privacy, you went inside and unfolded the note Dean had given you.

_ Look-- _

_ I know that Sammy’s gonna propose to you. And I know you’ll probably say yes but--I’ve gotta say my final piece. I never hated you or disliked you. You were an interruption at first, but something about you got Sammy out of whatever weird hole he was in and he was happy because of you. I appreciated that. But--I didn’t expect to fall for you, okay? I didn’t think that when he pulled you off the side of that bridge that I’d be looking at the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I know it’s selfish to say all of this now when you guys have Violet and another baby on the way but--I just can’t let you go. Even if I never get to have you, that doesn’t mean I won’t try. I still love you and I know that somewhere, deep down, that you still love me. So--just--think about that. Before you give Sam a definitive answer.  _

 

_ Please. _

 

           Your head hit the door and you sighed, looking at the note again before you folded it up and hesitated, pressing it against your palm. But there was no choice in the matter--and either way, you loved Sam. You loved Sam like a wife loves a husband, you loved Dean like a schoolyard crush. The difference was clear and simple, and you tried to remind yourself of that as you tossed the note into the garbage can.

           A few minutes later, you went back to the table and sat down, pretending like nothing had happened.

 

           Later that night when you got home, Sam had put Violet to bed and you waited for him, trying to think of anything but Dean’s note. When he came back in, Sam could sense that you were thinking about something.

           “What’s wrong?”

           “What? Oh--nothing,” You shook your head too quickly.

           He bit his lip, and after a few seconds, he walked over and kissed you softly, cupping your face in his hands as he climbed onto the bed. You moved towards him--trying to press against his chest. Unfortunately, your bump prevented that and you let out an irritated groan.

           “I just wanna be close to you, that’s not too much to ask.”

           Sam nodded in agreement and sighed, thinking for a moment before he snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, his hips pushing up ever so slightly as he pulled yours down against his.

           You moaned quietly and bit your lip to prevent being too loud, rocking your hips slowly down against his. Before you could think about it, you breathlessly whispered, “ _ fuck me _ .”

           He grinned and quickly maneuvered so you were laying side by side with your back pressed against his chest. Sam pressed kisses to your back and gently tugged at your hips; as he nipped at the back of your neck, you stuck your ass out, trying to give him easier access. Happily, he accepted the help and wiggled your panties off. A second later, Sam was undressed and had an arm wrapped around you, his fingers lightly brushing over your clit.

           You squeezed your legs together and tried to push his hand down further, “ _ please _ .” You whined softly as your hips rocked against his hand.

           Sam smiled against your skin and bit your neck as he pushed a few fingers into your pussy. You shuddered and wiggled your hips enough to get a little more of him in you. For a few minutes, Sam slowly pumped his fingers in and out of you, rubbing hard against your g-spot as he worked to get you up to your first orgasm. Soon, your hips were bucking wildly--your hands scratching at his arm that wrapped around in front of you. You shuddered your way through your climax and pushed back against him, begging for more.


	17. Chapter 17

           A few weeks later, wedding planning was well underway. You and Sam had decided against getting married before the baby was born--just because you were already so big, and the stress of getting married while pregnant was something you didn’t wanna go through. Not that planning wasn’t stressful--it was, for sure, but you had enough time to set it to the side and return to it later when you wanted.

           So far, you and Sam had decided on something small. Dean, Bobby, and a few other friends would be invited. It’d be in a small local church and nothing too fancy--neither of you wanted to handle that. It was good though, you were able to find compromises easily and both agreed that if it became too stressful, you’d wait to keep planning till after the baby was born.

           But that wasn’t your recent issue. If anything, planning took you away from the phone calls and texts from Dean. Most of them were drunk messages and voicemails, but in each one he proclaimed his love for you.

           Which was making you view him in a different way.

           While yes, you’d been together, and it had been nice, you were with Sam. And you chose Sam. That was the end of it. He had seemed more understanding back when it happened, but lately it was like something was going on that you didn’t know about. Something he wouldn’t tell you about. 

           Though it was trying, you didn’t let it capture your attention for too long. Except, there had been one night where it was too much, but you hadn’t known that when your phone rang.

           Curled up in bed, Sam’s arms were wrapped around you tightly. On the nightstand, your phone buzzed with two words from Dean: Call me.

           Carefully, you peeled away from Sam and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. With a sigh, you called Dean, expecting there to be a few rings--but Dean picked up right away.

           “Y/N,” Dean greeted you abruptly, “you’ve gotta hear me out.”

           “About what?” You groaned softly, putting your face in your hand.

           “About this. About us.” His voice softened slightly.

           “What?” You asked tiredly, “what? No--no, c’mon Dean. I’m not talking about this again.”

           “You never responded to the note I ga--”

           “What was I supposed to say? Huh, Dean? You’re trying to make me break up with Sam--with your  _ brother _ . For what? A selfish crush?” You let loose, but took a deep breath--expecting to continue when Dean cut you off.

           “It’s not selfish. I can give you and Vio--”

           “Violet is Sam’s daughter, Dean. Not yours. Sam is my fiance, not you. I--I love you, Dean, but this is making everything harder.  _ Everything _ . The more you do this--this chase, the less I wanna be with you.” You spoke honestly, tears rolling down your cheeks when you came to that final realization.

           Dean was quiet, listening intently for you to continue.

           “Remember that when Sam came back, you were the one who pushed me to go back to him. And--you can’t go back on that. It’s not fair to do that to me. I  _ love _ Sam, and I love you too but--I’m not jeopardizing what I have with Sam to make some fantasy of yours come true.” You swallowed hard and shook your head, “I need you to accept that.”

           “But--”

           “Accept. That.” You spoke firmly, though your voice wavered. “Please.”

           Dean was quiet for a minute. There was a shuffle in the background and something was set down.

           “Fine.” He said, his tone heavy.

           “Thank you.”

           And just when you thought Dean was gonna say something else, he hung up. Something about that made you panic a little. You quickly got up and crept out of your room, grabbing your keys and Sam’s sweatshirt he always wore around the house. Too loudly, you shut the door and cursed yourself, but made your way to the car outside.

           You sat there for a moment, all buckled in with your hands on the steering wheel, thinking about the life you could’ve had with Dean. And no matter what you thought, it always ended with you going back to Sam. Finally, you shook yourself out of that headspace and drove to Dean’s; thinking about it the whole way there. When you parked in the small driveway of his apartment building, you were thankful to see the Impala sitting there, untouched.

           Since you had a key to his place, getting in was no problem. And it wasn’t like anyone there thought it was particularly weird to have you, an almost six month pregnant lady walking through the halls at midnight.

           When you got to Dean’s apartment, you found the door unlocked--which rattled you a bit. Without your short lived hunter life in mind, you pushed the door open and swept the apartment quickly. There was nothing out of place besides the door. Dean didn’t even stir from his spot in the living room, which you could slightly see. 

           Dean was laying on the couch--clutching a pillow tight in his arms, his face buried into the top of it. You walked over to him and gently placed your hand on his shoulder.

           His hunter instincts were still there somewhere, because he grabbed your wrist tightly and was about to twist when he looked up and saw you--instantly relinquishing his hold.

           “Why’re you here?”

           “I don’t like how our conversation ended,” you spoke gently, sitting on his coffee table.

           “Why does it matter to you?” He mumbled, hiding back in the pillow.

           “Because I love you, Dean,” you reached out and ran your hand through his hair, “and I don’t wanna see you hurting.”

           When he didn’t respond, you continued.

           “I--I know I’m the reason you’re hurting, but… That doesn’t mean I’m just gonna abandon you. You’re my brother-in-law, Dean, and I care about you a lot. And… Yeah. I used to love you romantically, but now? Now I can’t do that. I’ve got a family to worry about and it’s just not fair to wreck everything.”

           He still didn’t speak, so you decided to go another route, and carefully wiggled the pillow out of his grasp.

           “C’mon, let’s get you into bed.”

           Dean sighed and you shook your head, taking his hands and gently pulling him up. While he didn’t resist you, he didn’t exactly help either. But once you got him on his feet, coaxing him to his room was easy. You sat him on the bed and kissed his cheeks, pulling the blankets back so he could curl up. After making sure he was warm and comfortable, you turned to leave, expecting that he wouldn’t want you there anymore.

           But suddenly, he grabbed your wrist again--very gently, his fingers just barely brushing over the jutted out bone of your wrist when he asked, “can you stay till I fall asleep?”

           You hesitated for a moment before you nodded, and decided to give Dean one final night of what he’d told you he’d been missing so much.

           Managing to not shake the bed too much, you climbed in and curled up with him, lacing your fingers through his hair. He was tense for a moment, looking at you with big eyes.

           “One more night of this, okay?” You looked up at him for reassurance--you didn’t wanna make anything worse.

           “Okay,” he said softly as he wrapped his arms around your waist, one hand falling on your bump.

           You curled into his chest and sighed softly, relishing in what you used to have with him. Even though it’d been nice, you couldn’t deny the comfort and safety you felt with Sam. Dean was a bit more wild--you knew him to change with the wind and never be consistent, but Sam? Sam was level headed and always made sure that you knew he loved you before you went to bed. And that’s something you’d never give up. 


	18. Chapter 18

           You left an hour later, when Dean’s arms finally relaxed around you--giving the opportunity to wiggle out of his hands. Before you left, you wrote a note and stuck it on his bedside table.

 

_ Dean-- _

_ You’re a great man and I’m sure you’d be a great father. But I want you to find someone who makes you happy. Someone who isn’t having trouble with her own life. Tomorrow you should go out with one of the girls who gave you their number--y’know, back when you used to take Violet out? Wasn’t the one you liked named Annie? Go out with her. You’ll have a good time. _

_ I promise. _

 

           With that, you left.

           And unfortunately for you, when you got home, the lights were on.

           Sam was sitting in the kitchen.

           You quietly crept in, but the door squeaked, and you knew it was useless.

           “Where were you?” Sam asked, glancing up at you.

           “Um--I just--Dean called and said he needed to talk some stuff out,” you tried to keep it as close to the truth as possible.

           He nodded slowly, biting his lip as he watched you.

           “You know I’m not blind to what’s going on between you two, right?” Sam asked, getting up. “I know about you two and I know it’s been hard on him.”

           You didn’t say anything for a moment, your eyes cast to the ground.

           “Can I ask you something?” Sam sighed, gently pulling your chin up.

           “Sure,” you spoke softly.

           “Do you still love him?”

           The question caught you off guard--you knew what he meant, and you couldn’t believe that you were making him question that.

           “What? No,” you shook your head, “no. Not like that. He’s my brother-in-law. That’s it.” You took Sam’s hands and squeezed them, “I’m just trying to help him through this.”

           “It’s not your responsibility, you know that right?” Sam squeezed your hands in turn, watching your eyes.

           “I know,” you nodded, “it just feels like I’m responsible, y’know? I never should’ve gotten together with him and I just--I feel like I have to fix it.”

           “This isn’t good for you, to be taking on this stress.” Sam reminded you.

           “I know,” you repeated, nodding. “But I’ve got to fix it.”

           Sam sighed, and stayed quiet. Finally, he pulled you to your room and patted the bed.

           You hopped up and settled in.

           “I love you, y/n,” Sam put his hands on your thighs, lightly tracing shapes on them. “Let me take care of Dean from now on, okay?”

           Hesitating to agree, you thought about it, weighing your options. Finally, you nodded a little and set your hands on him.

           “He was really into this girl named Annie--she lives a few blocks away from us.” You told him, “tell him to go out with her again, okay?”

           “Okay,” Sam nodded and kissed your forehead, “now let’s get some more sleep--I’ll take care of Violet when she wakes up.”


	19. Chapter 19

           A few more weeks had passed and suddenly, it was as if you’d bloomed. Now, you were barely able to fit into your biggest maternity clothes.

           You whined as you walked out into the living room, pouting when you sat next to Sam, who held Violet on his lap.

           “What’s wrong?” Sam asked, looking at you worriedly.

           “I’m  _ huge, _ Sam.” You pouted, putting your hands on your bump--barely able to latch your fingers together around yourself.

           “How about we go and get you some more clothes today?” Sam asked, biting his lip as he bounced a happy Violet.

           “I just wanna wear your shirts,” you mumbled as you rested your head on his shoulder, Violet wiggling one of her arms at you.

           “Okay,” he laughed softly and kissed the top of your head, “ask your doctor tomorrow.”

           “Ask him what?” You raised an eyebrow, and then mimicked, “yes, um, doctor, it seems I have a pumpkin growing inside me.”

           Sam laughed and shook his head, “you might’ve been right about two babies.”

           You blinked in surprise, looking at him with wide eyes, “wait--what? I didn’t--I wasn’t--oh my god, what’re we gonna do if we have two babies?”

           “We’ll manage,” Sam nodded, shifting to hold Violet so she was resting against his chest. “We’ll make it work.”

           “If we have two can you please not go on hunts anymore?” You asked, praying he’d say yes.

           “Maybe,” Sam nodded, “if it’s far away, I won’t.”

           “And if it’s dangerous, you won’t.” You added quickly and firmly, making sure to look him in the eye.

           He nodded a bit, “okay, okay, if it’s too dangerous, I won’t go.”

           “Thank you.” You sighed and rested against him again.

  
  
  


           The next day, you were at your doctor’s appointment, Sam by your side. The nurse went through the same routine as the last time. She measured you and took your weight, doing all of the tests and shit she usually went through. Violet was with Dean, who had in fact, started going out with that girl you had mentioned to Sam.

           She was perfect for him--quick and witty, she was able to match him comment for comment. She also knew quite a bit about cars. And could fix the Impala before Dean even knew where to start (which surprised all of you the day she busted out some tools and fixed the whirring noise in the air conditioner). 

           But that was the last thing on your mind. Your hands shook as you watched the nurse get the ultrasound machine ready. She got the warm gel out and spread it around your bump, and the first thing you noticed were two weird shapes on the screen--along with one that seemed like the others, but was much smaller. Two overwhelmingly similar noises filled the room, and you knew what that meant.

           The nurse smiled, took some pictures, and pointed to the two large shapes on the screen, “those are your babies.”

           “Oh,” you said softly, “oh.”

           “Babies?” Sam asked, smiling just a bit--even though he hadn’t seemed enthusiastic about twins back when you first mentioned it, he seemed to have warmed up to the idea.

           “Mhm! Babies,” the nurse confirmed, then squinted her eyes and moved the little wand thing over to your side, the smaller shape became bigger, but not nearly as big as the first two. “Oh--wow, make that another one.”

           Sam went pale, and he looked at you.

           “I didn’t sign up for three babies,” you shook your head, starting to laugh, “no--no, I can’t have three babies. I don’t have the room in me for three babies.”

           “Well… that’s what it looks like right here,” the nurse took a few more pictures, “I’ll go grab your doctor, just to be sure though.”

           “Thank you.” You said firmly, taking Sam’s hand and squeezing it tightly.

           When she left, you looked at Sam and shook your head, “we can’t have three babies. I can’t have three babies. I can’t push that out of me.”

           “What if it is, though?” Sam asked, sighing shakily, “if we have three, we’ll deal with it. We’ll manage--but--I just need you to calm down, though, okay?”

           “Okay.” You nodded, sighing shakily, “okay.”

           The doctor came in soon enough and confirmed it. You were having three babies.


	20. Chapter 20

           “I can’t have that many,” you whispered to yourself for the hundredth time, sniffling as you stared at yourself in the mirror. It’d been a week and you were suddenly feeling it--you’d had similar moments when you had been pregnant with Violet, but now it was coming to you three times as hard.

           “I can’t do it,” you said again as tears slipped out of the corners of your eyes.

           “y/n?” Sam asked from outside your room.

           “Uh--um--yeah?” You asked, quickly wiping your eyes.

           Sam opened the door, his expression softening when he saw you, “babe…” His voice was low as he walked over to you, gently pulling you away from the mirror. “Don’t do this again.”

           “How am I gonna push three babies out of me?” You asked, looking up at him with big eyes, “how, Sam?”

           “The same way you pushed Violet out of you. Now c’mon, we’ve got a family dinner to go to.”

           “I don’t wanna go,” you whined softly, dragging your feet as Sam pulled you over to the bed.

           “It’s important to Dean.” Sam reminded you, “and Bobby’s gonna be there and he’s  _ so _ excited to see you and Vi…” He turned to grab a dress from your closet--one that barely fit you, even though you’d just gotten it. “C’mon, it’ll be good.”

           “Can you just tell them I said hi?” You mumbled, staring at the dress Sam held.

           “No, you’ve gotta get out of the house before these kids are born, y/n. Plus, we were gonna ask Dean for his help tonight? Remember?” 

           “I remember…” You groaned softly and looked down at Sam’s stretched shirt that you wore. 

           “Arms up,” Sam kissed your head, “c’mon.”

           You rolled your eyes but accepted it anyways, putting your arms up over your head. Sam took off the shirt and replaced it with the dress, along with a few carefully placed kisses. He wiggled off your sweatpants too, pressing kisses as far up your thighs as he could without running into your bump. Your hips wiggled a bit and you blushed lightly.

           “Can you fuck me when we get home?” You asked, making sure to run your hand through his hair as he stood back up.

           “If you behave,” he grinned, biting his lip. “Now c’mon, go put on your shoes, I’ll get Violet.”

           An hour later, you were sitting with Sam at a restaurant. He held a happy Violet who bounced and giggled in his lap. You three (or, well, six) were early. Anxiety crept up your sides as you thought about telling everyone about the triplets--anxiety about them overall washed over you and made you tap your fingers against the table.

           “Babe,” Sam reminded you softly, putting one of his hands on your legs, “it’s gonna be okay.”

           “I know,” you lied, nodding. Nothing felt like it was going to be okay.

           The next to arrive was Dean and Annie--the girl he’d been seeing.

           Which was why you guys were all having dinner in the first place. Though you’d already met Annie once, briefly, it was time for all of you to meet and have a family dinner. Sam stood up and put Violet on his hip, tugging Dean into a quick hug.

           “Hey man,” Sam smiled, Violet cooing happily when she saw Dean.

           “Hey,” he laughed and plucked Violet from his side, holding her in the air with a grin, “hey shortstack.”

           She laughed and made grabby hands for his hair.

           With some struggles, you stood up, your hands tapping against your bump.

           Sam shook Annie’s hand, that charming smile you fell in love with ever present.

           “Hi, I’m Sam,” he introduced himself.

           “Annie,” she nodded, then glanced over at me, “oh wow--Dean, you didn’t tell me she was--”

           You felt like you instantly knew she was going to say some slandering comment--maybe because you felt like those were the only comments that could be made about you at this point, maybe because that’s all you’d ever received when meeting people like this.

           “So beautiful.” She said, sounding more sincere than you’d ever heard someone be.

           You blinked in surprise and watched her, taking over a minute before you finally shook your head and started to blush like wild, “oh--gosh, no, I’m not--really…”

           Sam shook his head and smiled, wrapping an arm around you--which just made you blush more.

           “You are though,” Annie smiled, then looked at Dean, who was enamored by Violet. “Dean, aren’t you gonna say hi?”

           “Yeah, I wa--” He started to laugh, but when he saw you, he paused. “Woah, Sam she asked for one not five.”

           Your shyness fell away and you laughed, nodding, “it feels like five.”

           “Are they twins?” Annie asked.

           “I wish,” you mumbled, nodding as you looked down at your stomach.

           “Triplets,” Sam answered, smiling politely.

           “Triplets run in my family,” Annie nodded, “my aunts and my mom are triplets.”

           “Wow,” he laughed a bit, “small world, huh?”

           “Really,” Dean nodded, looking at Annie in surprise.

           Violet wiggled around and reached for you, and somehow you managed to grab her over the table and hold her on your hip--until she decided to start beating your bump, which is when Sam took her. 

           “C’mon, sit down,” Annie urged, “what’s it like having three babies in there?”

           “Weird,” you nodded, sitting down so you could face her. “I can feel two of them, but not one.”

           “Oh,” Annie nodded, looking over your bump, “may I?”

           “Go ahead,” you shrugged and bit your lip, “try right here.”

           Sam looked at Dean and shrugged, Dean shrugged in response and took Violet, bouncing her gently. Sam sat next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you glanced over at him and smiled, silently saying you were glad that you had come with. He kissed your forehead and patted the seat next to him for Dean.

           One of the babies kicked and you groaned softly, “right in the ribs.” You laughed, shaking your head.

           Annie gently placed her hand where you had suggested, and blinked in surprise when she felt a little hand press up against her own. 

           “Strange, right?” You asked with a smile, sighing softly as you looked around--just in time to see Bobby walking up to the table.

           “How’s my girls?” He grinned, going over to Violet first.

She squee’d in Dean’s arms and giggled, gently patting Bobby on the cheek when he knelt down next to her.

           “Why thank you,” he laughed, then got up and went to you, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “Since when did you grow another foot?” Bobby asked, blinking in surprise.

           “When Sam got me pregnant with triplets,” you blew a strand of hair out of your face, but smiled up at him. “How’re you? Taking care of yourself?” You asked as you took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

           “As much as I can,” Bobby nodded, “been fixin’ cars mostly.”

           “No hunts?” Dean asked, glancing up at Bobby.

           You, Sam, and Bobby all froze--casting a glance at Annie and back to Dean. 

           “Oh please I know all about hunting,” Annie waved her hand, “Dean’s told me about it.”

           “Really?” Sam looked at his brother--pretty surprised.

           “Well, it’s kinda a long st--”

           “He started having nightmares about it,” Annie cut him off, looking between me and Sam, “have either of you had nightmares about it?”

           You both stayed quiet until you said, “um--kinda, yeah.”

           “What?” Both Sam and Dean asked, looking at you in surprise.

           You shrugged and stared at your plate, “it’s no big deal.” You could suddenly feel a swell in your chest--like having extra babies meant you were extra emotional. 

           “Don’t push it, boys,” Bobby glared between the two of them, and went to sit down.

           Dinner went well, you started to feel better and chatted with Annie the whole night, barely giving Dean a moment to properly introduce her.

           But when you got home that night, instead of going straight to your room, you stayed in Violet’s for a bit, not wanting to talk to Sam. 

           Eventually, you went to your room though, and instead of Sam badgering you about your nightmares the minute you walked in, he got up, walked over to you, and pulled you into a hug. He kissed the top of your head, turned you so he could press you against his chest, and put a hand on your bump.

           “No more hunts.” He said softly, “okay?”

           “Okay,” you said thankfully, shifting a bit so you could kiss along his jaw.

           He smiled and tightened his arm around you, “time to think of names.”


	21. Chapter 21

           A month later you were even bigger--and it was getting irritating. You hated that you waddled everywhere rather than walked. And you often made awful comments about yourself, which Sam discouraged. He often told you that you were amazing and beautiful--that you were carrying three important babies that you would get to hold soon.

           You were sitting with Violet in the living room, she held onto the coffee table and bounced herself, wiggling around in a way that made you smile.

           “You feeling good, Vi?” You laughed, grinning.

           She grinned and shouted a loud, “AAAY!”

           “I’ll take that as a yes,” you laughed harder, watching as she wobbled around, managing to kick her feet out step by step as she traded the couch for the coffee table. You watched her try to climb the couch, her little blue hearing aids were still strange to you, but you were getting used to them. 

           As you reached down to help her out, you felt a strong kick against what felt like your ribs and you groaned, sitting back for a moment as you tried to focus on anything but your side. The doorbell rang and you sighed, figuring Sam must’ve forgotten his keys or something. With difficulty, you got up and grabbed Violet, holding her on your hip as you walked to the door.

           What you didn’t expect was Annie, who stood in your doorway with a big grin. “Hey!”

           “Oh--um--hi,” you nodded,  _ very _ confused.

           “I just wanted to come on over and talk, y’know? Girl talk.” She said too brightly.

           “Sure,” you nodded slowly and walked into the apartment, letting her in too.

           “I brought wine,” she smiled and held it up.

           “Seven months pregnant and wine don’t really mix, but help yourself,” you tried to sound light and friendly, but you were only more and more confused.

           “Oh--right,” she shook her head and put the bottle in her purse, “sorry, I was just nervous.”

           “It’s okay,” you shrugged, leading her back to the living room. “You don’t have to be nervous.”

           “Well… I just… I wanted to talk to you about something kinda sensitive, I guess.” Annie admitted.

           It honestly surprised you, but you set Violet down on the couch and patted the spot next to her for Annie to sit. “What’s up?”

           Annie sat down and played with the bottom of her dress. You could see why Dean liked her. She had long blonde hair and was girly, but you could tell she had the experience Dean would look for in a long term partner. But she was distracted by Violet, who kept tapping her hands together.

           “Annie?” You asked again, getting her attention.

           “What? Oh--yeah, um.. I didn’t notice her hearing aids before, I was just surprised and--”

           “You don’t have to be nervous,” you gently put your hands over Annie’s, meeting her eyes. “What’s going on?”

           She coughed awkwardly and bit her lip, glancing away from you, “I just… When we first met I felt like you fit right in with the family, and I’ve just been having a hard time with that.”

           “Well, I mean, I kinda am family,” you shrugged, gesturing to your bump and Violet. “But I know what you mean.”

           You’d felt the same way when you first met Sam and Dean, they had been very tight and you didn’t feel like you belonged with them. It took some time, and it took months for you to feel comfortable with them, even now you still had your times where you felt like the third wheel.

           Annie was quiet still, but you wanted to give her the chance to say something. “Dean talks about you all the time.”

           You sighed and rested your head in your hand, rubbing your eyes quickly before you said, “we were just--”

           “He thinks you’re doing a great job with Violet and Sam. He says he’s really proud of how you’ve gotten Sam to be a dad instead of a hunter. And he says that you were the best thing to happen to either of them.”

           You couldn’t help but scoff at that, “I was a punk when we first met. I was trying to kill myself all the time and--well, they found me on a bridge and I was ready to--”

           “Woah--what?” Annie asked, her eyes wide as she looked at me. “You were..?”

           “Yeah,” you nodded, glancing at Violet, “I had run away from home, so…”

           “Oh…” She nodded a little, thinking it over.

           “That’s probably a big reason why we’re all so close now,” you shrugged, “because they met me when I was at an extreme low and they kinda showed me the light--if that’s not too cheesy.”

           “No, no, I get you,” Annie nodded, biting her lip, “I’m just surprised is all.”

There was a moment of silence before you smiled a little, “just give it some time. You’ll fit in right away.” 

           “Are you sure?” She asked, glancing at you.

           “Mhm,” you confirmed. “Dean’s just… getting over a breakup, so, give him some time.”

           Annie nodded a bit and sighed, “he talks about it a lot.”

           You watched her, trying to think of a way to make her feel better. “You’re good for him. She wasn’t.” You smiled and squeezed her hands--it felt weird to say that, mostly because you didn’t think that Dean had told her. But you tried to move past it. “Just give him some time, okay?”

           Annie nodded, and then you heard the door open, “hey baby I’m back.”

           Violet perked up and started cooing loudly, wiggling around as she managed to get to the floor, and with a little help from the coffee table, she walked her way to be as close to Sam as she could be.

           “Hey! We’re in here,” you smiled and glanced over your shoulder, waiting for Sam to appear in the doorway.

           “We’re..?” He asked as he popped in, blinking in surprise when he saw Annie. “Oh hey--everything okay?” He asked as he picked Violet up.

           “Mhm, just talking about the holidays,” you nodded, giving Annie a look that said to go along with it.

           “Oh yeah--” She agreed, “Bobby’s house?”

           “Bobby’s house,” you smiled.

           “Good luck getting him to agree,” Sam bounced Violet, making her giggle.

           “He’s got four grandkids, of course he’ll let it be at his house.” You said confidently, and managed to get up. Waddling over, you kissed Sam’s cheek, “Annie--you staying for dinner?”

           “Oh, no, I should get back to Dean,” she nodded and got up. Just before she left, she pulled you into what was considered a hug for your size, and smiled gratefully, “thank you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back.
> 
> So a lot has happened in the past few months. Just an update for those who want it: I've figured a lot out about myself and ended my toxic relationship. She was pushing me to be someone I'm not and I just couldn't take it anymore. Now, I'm with someone who makes me very happy and is incredibly kind and loving, who wants me to just be me. 
> 
> I'm on good terms with my dad again! We see each other every now and then and he and I text a lot, things are getting much better.
> 
>  
> 
> On another note, I'm having a lot of depression issues (no surprise) and kinda am in a place where I don't wanna be alive anymore. So, I'm gonna write through it and try to find some help. I really appreciate everyone who's stuck around and those who are still here to see how this ends. I'm gonna be gone for a week, so expect lots of chapters to be uploaded on the 17th/18th!
> 
> Thank you so much!

           As your due date neared, something inside of you was building--and every day started just like it would today. But something felt different. You watched Sam in the early morning hours, lightly fixing his hair. He nuzzled into your hand, shuffling a bit closer. That’s when it hit you, the moment he shuffled over got you, and you covered your face with your hands, shoulders shaking as you sobbed quietly.

           Sam woke up a few minutes later, and you felt his warm hand on your shoulder, “babe, what’s wrong?”

           “I can’t do it,” you mumbled, sniffing as you roughly wiped your eyes, “I can’t, Sam. I can’t push three babies out of me.”

           He blinked in surprise and gently tugged you closer, your bump pressing into his stomach as he played with your hair. “You’re gonna do just fine, y/n.” 

           “No I’m not,” you whimpered, shaking your head, “the kids deserve better.”

           “No. C’mon. They’re not just the kids.” Sam suddenly decided, even though you’d both been calling them that for weeks now. “C’mon, we’re giving them names.”

           “Now?”

           “Yes. Now. Right now.”

           You sniffed, trying to think clearly, “I--I like the name Winnie.”

           “Winnie. Okay, one’s name is Winnie.” He confirmed, playing with your hair.

           “What if it’s all boys?” You asked, looking up at him.

           “Just whatever name you think of, okay? We’ll come up with more later, but for right now, what names?”

           “Um--Lincoln.” You sniffed, rubbing your eyes.

           “Winnie and Lincoln. Okay, one more.” Sam nodded, watching you.

           “Silas,” you nodded finally, sighing shakily.

“Okay. Our babies. Winnie, Lincoln, and Silas.” He smiled, playing with her hair, “they’re just three small babies who need our help.”

           You nodded, watching him with big eyes.

           “And they’re gonna turn out great--just like Violet.” Sam kissed your forehead, “I promise.”

           “But--what if I can’t do it?” You asked, your hands wrapping around your bump.

           “You  _ can _ do it.” Sam nodded, “we’ll go to the doctor if you need to, okay? We’ll get everything figured out before the babies come, okay?”

           “Okay,” you nodded, rubbing your eyes.

           Most days weren’t this overwhelming, and even with Sam’s reassurance, you couldn’t help but feel unsure of your abilities as a mother. You and Annie were hanging out more often, she would come over in the morning and help you with whatever you needed. Lately, she’d been helping you put together the nursery. Violet’s room was now the small office next to you and Sam’s room, which meant you two could hear her babbling in the middle of the night when she woke up.

           Annie built the cribs and you folded all of Violet’s old baby clothes, along with the new ones you’d been picking up over your pregnancy. 

           “Do you think Bobby likes me?” Annie asked, breaking the silence that had been hanging around for about an hour.

           “What?” You blinked, glancing at her, “of course he does.”

           “How do you know?” She asked, finishing screwing in the last screw.

           “Well, Dean and Sam are the closest thing he has to children,” you explained, “and I’ve talked to Bobby before about it, and he says that while he loves the boys, he always wanted a daughter. So now it’s kinda like he has two.”

           That made her smile as a light blush crept onto her cheeks, “you really think that?”

           “Of course I do,” you smiled. “He’s had a rough life, but now he’s happier than he’s ever been--at least, that’s what Sam tells me.”

           “I’m just worried that I don’t really belong, y’know?”

           You sighed softly and set down the onesie you were holding, taking a few steps over to her. “You  _ do _ belong, Annie. You’ve been such a help to me and Sam--and hell, I’ve never seen Dean happier. I never thought I’d see him settle down the way he has.”

           She didn’t say anything, but rather teared up and smiled at her hands.

           “Oh c’mere,” you smiled and pulled her into a hug, “you’re like a sister to me, okay? If you ever feel like you don’t belong, just remember that I need you around. And so does Dean.”

           Annie hugged you tightly, and only pulled back when the front door opened.

           “Babe?” Sam’s voice was urgent.

           You blinked in surprise and let go of Annie, quickly making your way out of the nursery. “Yeah?”

           “There’s a hunt.” He gave you a look that said it was serious. “I’ve gotta go--Dean’s going too.”

           “Wait, what?” Annie asked, poking her head out.

           “There’s a nest--it’s--it’s a long story but they’re on a killing spree.” Sam rushed into your room and came back out with a duffle bag he was stuffing with clothes.

           Your eyes were wide as you watched Sam, “wait--do I get any say in this?”

           “Babe, I have to go. People are  _ dying _ .”

           Annie took your hand, which made you realize you were shaking. Sam kissed you quick, but you didn’t give anything back. He sighed when he realized you were upset, and tried to make it better.

           “I’ll be back soon. It’s just--”

           “It’s just a few hours away,” you snapped, tears welling in the corners of your eyes, “I’ll stay safe. I won’t die. I love you. I’ll be back before you know it.”

           You let go of Annie and went to your room--slamming the door behind you. 

           Sinking to the ground, you could hear the two of them starting to talk.

           “Can you talk to her?” Sam huffed, “get her to calm down?”

           There was a bit of shuffling and then you heard Sam ask, “wh--?”

           “No.” Annie’s voice was firm. “Sam, I know I’m still new and everything, but I grew up with parents who fought over  _ everything _ . They got divorced when I was eight. You know how awful that was?” 

           You rubbed your eyes and listened, hoping she would be able to get to him. 

           “What does this have to--”

           “ _ Listen _ , Sam. y/n has a right to be upset. You’re leaving her when she’s about to pop out three babies.” Annie’s voice slowly raised, “and you expect her to just be okay with that?” She laughed dryly, “no fucking way. I’m taking her to Bobby’s. Go on your hunt or whatever, but I swear to god, Sam--if you miss these babies being born you’re gonna fucking regret it.”

           I got up and quickly started shoving clothing into a bag, sniffing and rubbing my nose.

           Sam started to talk, but Annie cut him off, “no, Sam. Either you’re going or you’re staying. You don’t get to try and make it better and then just leave her. So either make your apology worth it and call Dean, or go.”

           There was silence for a minute, and then Violet started to wail. You set aside your anger and went out of your room to her, picking her up. She hiccuped and beat her fists against your shoulders, finally nuzzling her head into your neck as she cried harder.

“It’s okay baby,” you hushed her, rubbing her back, “it’s okay love--we’re gonna go see Grandpa Bobby.”

           She calmed down a bit, and you set her on your hip, softly singing  _ Hey Jude _ . You started packing some clothes and toys for her. Slowly, she calmed down, and you set her back in her crib so you could get packed. There was more chatter, but you didn’t listen. You didn’t care if Sam stayed or left, you were upset either way. 

           The door opened and closed, and you sighed--figuring Sam had left. But just a minute later, you felt him wrap his arms around your middle, pressing tight against you.

           You tensed for a moment, then sighed, wrapping a hand behind you into his hair.

           “So..?” You asked quietly, your eyes fixed on Violet.

           “I’m staying,” Sam bit his lip, pressing a kiss to your jaw. “Annie’s gonna go with Dean and they’re gonna get Bobby to go on the hunt too.”

           You nodded a bit and kept playing with his hair, “I’m still mad.”

           “We need some time together before the babies come,” he spoke quietly, his hand smoothing over your bump.

           “Yeah,” you nodded in agreement and pulled away, not really wanting to be touched.

           “Hey,” Sam said softly, reaching out to grab your hand.

           You shook your head and pulled away, “please don’t.”

           Sam blinked in surprise and looked at you, nodding slowly, “oh--um… Okay.”

           “I just--” You sighed, shaking your head, “I’m mad and I don’t want to be touched.”

           He nodded a little and bit his lip, “okay.” Sam picked Violet up and bounced her on his hip. She cooed happily and patted her hands against his chest.

           “C’mon baby, let’s go play.” Sam picked up one of her toys and went to the living room, leaving you all alone.


	23. Chapter 23

           Things had been strange since Sam almost left, and you couldn’t explain it--you weren’t mad anymore, and you’d talked it through with him, but something inside of you felt off. You two would cuddle at night, but it was much more distant than before. Sam had clearly taken it hard when you told him that you didn’t want to be touched the other day, but you didn’t expect it to make him nervous around you. He knew he had over stepped some boundary, and was desperately trying to get back to a good place with you.

           Which made you feel worse--because you weren’t mad, really, you were just… Off. Something felt strange and you couldn’t figure out what it was. Just about a week after Sam was going to leave, you found yourself sitting in the nursery, finishing putting things away. Then, everything in you went blank, and tears started to well at the edges of your eyes. You started to shake--falling to your knees a moment later. Heavy sobs wracked your chest and you gripped the edge of one of the cribs, trying to hold yourself up.

           Sam rushed into the room, his eyes wide as he looked around to see what was wrong. When he laid eyes on you, he knelt down and cautiously went to wrap his arms around you.

           Not waiting for the contact, you shuffled over and curled into his chest, your breathing felt like sharps running along your lungs, making each breath more painful than the last.

           “Baby, what’s wrong?” Sam asked softly, one arm tight against your back while his other hand played with your hair.

           “I--I don’t--know,” you choked out, shaking harder.

           Sam sat with you until you managed to calm down. He continued to play with your hair, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

           “I love you,” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

           “I love you too,” you responded.

           The day came and went, neither of you were sure what had happened, but Sam had gotten you to open up a little about how you felt. All you knew was that something just felt  _ wrong _ . Like you’d just heard the worst news you’d ever hear.

           Little did you know that that was coming.

           Just a few days later while you and Sam were playing with Violet, your phone rang--a strange, but somehow familiar number popping up. Cautiously, you answered.

           “Hello?”

           “y/n? Honey, it’s mom.” Her voice was tired but urgent.

           You froze, your eyes getting big--Sam watched you for just a moment before he carefully took the phone from your hand.

           “Hello?”

           “Who’s this?” You could hear your mother ask.

           “You tell me first. Why’re you calling my wife?”

           “ _ Wife? _ ”

           You whacked Sam’s arm lightly--snapping out of it. He couldn’t tell your mother that--you two were still planning the wedding--the whack earned you an eyeroll.

           “Fiancee--who are you?” He asked again, crossing his arms over his chest.

           “I’m her  _ mother _ , now give me back to my daughter or I’ll--”

           “What?” Sam asked, “throw her out again? Treat her like shit? She can’t take this right now so you better have a damn good--”

           “y/n’s sister is dying.”

           You grew pale and looked at Sam, who handed the phone back to you.

           “She’s what?” You asked in disbelief.

           “Well, your father--he um… It’s a long story,” you could hear your mother’s hair swish as she shook her head. “He relapsed and… Hurt her. She wants to see you.”

           Tears stained your cheeks as you nodded, “um--okay, um--where are you guys?”

           “Wyoming.”

           “Great. Okay, um--we’ll be there.” You nodded again and asked a few more questions, writing down the name of the hospital and her room number.

           It ended with your mom telling you to hurry.

           “We’ve gotta go,” you said softly once she hung up.

           Sam nodded and wrapped his arms around you, kissing each shoulder, “I’ll grab our stuff, you pack up Violet, okay?”

           A nod in agreement sent you on your way, the two of you took about an hour overall to get everything you needed. Before you knew it, you were in the car and on the way to Wyoming. About two days later, you showed up--sleep deprived and hurt. Sam held Violet--who was asleep--against his chest, his other hand holding yours tightly as you walked down the hospital hallways.

           The ICU was quiet--terrifying. None of these people were expected to survive, and here you were, visiting your sister who had little to no chance of recovery (from what your mom had said on another call while you were driving). Sam gently lead you to her room, waiting for you to get the nerve up to knock. But before you could, the door opened.

           Your mom stood there, tired and bruised. She had a cast on one arm and a large bandage covering her from her collarbone to somewhere under her shirt.

           “Oh--wow…” She trailed off, glancing down at your bump, “you--wow--you’re…”

           “Very pregnant, I know,” you tried to smile, hoping she would feel a little better knowing that she was a grandmother.

           “And…” She glanced at Sam, who gave her a warm smile, though you could tell he wasn’t happy about something. “Who’s this?” She asked, gently smoothing Violet’s hair away from her face.

           “Mom, this is Sam, my fiance,” you squeezed his hand, “and our daughter, Violet.”

           She smiled at that, her eyes getting a little watery, “wow--I just--I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I’d give you a hug, dear, but it’s uh.. A little sore.” She gestured to her cast, and you nodded understandingly.

“Wow--I just…” She ran her good arm through her hair and nodded a little, smiling up at Sam. “I’m Wendy, it’s great to meet you.”

           “Good to meet you too,” he nodded respectively, adjusting Violet to his other hip, which woke her up a little.

           “Well good morning,” you chided and poked her cheeks, making her grin and hide her face.

           “Oh she’s precious,” your mom grinned and sighed a bit, definitely feeling better than she had just a few minutes ago. “Well--um, c’mon inside.”

           Your mom tugged your hand a bit and lead you into the room, Sam following close behind. The happy moment was lost when you saw your sister, who was covered in bandages and had a neck brace on. You could see through her gown that something on her side was still bleeding--through all of the bandages  _ and _ the gown.

           “Oh Jules…” You said softly, going to her side, “what happened?”

           “Your father just… lost it.” Your mom shrugged, sighing, “she came over to help him with laundry since he’s--oh, well, um… In the last year he’s gotten very sick and uh, he has seizures a lot now and has to stay out of the sun and--it’s a lot. But she was going to help him and I guess he had done something and he just… Did this to her.”

           You watched your sister, lightly tracing shapes on the part of her arm that was unharmed (minus a bruise or two).

           “Is she gonna make it?” You asked, glancing over to your mom.

           She shook her head, “no, honey. There’s a lot of internal bleeding and broken bones, they just--they don’t think she’s gonna pull through.”

           While you knew that the doctors were most likely right, you knew your sister wouldn’t give up without a fight.

           “C’mon, Julia,” you forced a smile, “I know you can do it--you’re a fighter, you always have been.” You squeezed her hand lightly and kissed her forehead, making her shuffle as much as she could.

           “M--’m stop,” she whined, “’m  _ fine _ .” Her voice was weak, and you could only assume that her words were being affected by whatever pain medicine that was pumping through her. 

           “Julia, it’s y/n,” your mother corrected her.

           “y/n?” Julia asked, her eyebrows twitching as she opened her eyes.

           It took a minute for her to focus, but finally she grinned and held up her hand, “hey bitch.”

           “Hey bitch,” you laughed softly and gave her a soft high-five.

           When you were teenagers you’d taken to calling each other ‘bitch’ as a joke to piss off your mom, who always assumed you were being mean to each other.

           “Oh stop it now, it’s been almost two and a half years now and you’re still doing that?” She scolded, shaking her head.

           “How’re you doing, kid?” You asked, ignoring your mom’s nagging.

           “You’re the kid,” Julia smirked and chuckled softly.

           “Not so much anymore,” you took her hand and placed it on your bump. She took a minute to register it, but finally her eyes got big.

           “You’re pregnant?”

           “Yeah,” you smiled, nodding. “And you’ve already got a niece, so…”

           Sam got up and went to your sister’s other side, holding up Violet--who was wiggling around a lot.

           “Whattttt?” She grinned and watched your baby. After a second, she groaned loudly, “ _ fuck _ , who’s that hottie?”

           “That’s Sam,” you laughed, “my fiance.”

           “Oh fuck you--how’d you get the hot one?” She whined, pouting.

           “Right place at the right time.” You smiled, shaking your head, squeezing her hand again.

           You spent two days with your mom and your sister in the hospital, talking about what had happened after you left and what was going on in your life now--leaving out the hunts you almost died on and things like that. But before you left, you managed to get ahold of both your brothers, who agreed to meet for lunch.

           Nervously, you tapped your fingers against the table you had been seated at--staring at the door. You knew the kids would get to the door first--your three nephews were always having little competitions. And sure enough, Adam made it to the door first. He was the youngest of all three, and definitely the smallest. He burst into the restaurant and held his hands up high in victory.

           “Ha! I did it!” He grinned, sticking his tongue out at his cousin and brother, who followed shortly after.

           With some difficulty, you got to your feet, figuring they would recognize you right away. But as they looked around the restaurant, they didn’t see you. Your brothers walked in the door and you smiled even bigger. Chris looked around and spotted you immediately, his eyes growing wide. He gently tapped Adam on the shoulder and pointed at you.

           “y/n!” Adam shouted as he ran over and stopped short just a few feet away, “are you gonna pop if I give you a hug?”

           “No,” you laughed, and smiled even more when you heard Sam chuckle.

           Suddenly, all three of your nephews were giving you a big group hug.

           “Hey guys,” you smiled and hugged them as best as you could.

           They let go and sat down, chatting about whatever video game they were all playing.

           Chris came over and gave you a big hug, “hey hun.”

           “Hey,” you smiled and hugged him tightly, Chris was your oldest brother, and the father of Jack and Adam. Alex was your other brother,  and the one you weren’t as close to. He was Jacob’s dad.

           As Chris pulled away, Alex nudged your shoulder and you smiled, that was as close as you two ever got.

           Violet started to wiggle more in her seat at the arrival of new people, and Chris knelt down to her level.

           “Hey shortstack, what’s up?” He grinned, “what’s your name?”

           “Violet,” Sam answered, then stood up and held his hand out. “I’m Sam.”

           Chris and Alex looked him up and down, checking him out. Chris shook his hand, but Alex was more reluctant for whatever reason. You’d ask later.

           “So, you’re full with a baby,” Chris laughed lightly as he sat down, trying to jump-start the conversation.

           “Babies.” You nodded, “three.”

           “Fuck,” Alex shook his head, “I can barely manage Jacob.”

           “Has it been easier since you got into a better job?” You asked, remembering that his old job kept him from seeing his son pretty much every day.

           “Yeah,” he nodded and shrugged a bit.

           “And how’s David?” You asked Chris, smiling to reassure him that it was okay.

           Your brother had taken thirty four years to come out, and he was still always  _ very _ shy about it. Everytime any of you said something about his partner, you had to make sure to be positive and happy so he wouldn’t get worried.

           “Oh, he’s great,” Chris nodded, “he’s really taken to the boys.”

           “And Elsie?” You asked a little quieter, knowing that Adam and Jack didn’t know of their mom’s issues.

           “Getting help,” Chris spoke at the same level, nodding a bit. “She’s much better.”

           “Good,” you smiled.

           Lunch went well, and you all talked up and down about everything that was going on and what had been happening since you left. At the end, you promised that the boys could sleep over whenever they wanted. 

           As you said your goodbyes, you got teary--smiling through it though. Finally, you were on the road and headed back home.

           All was good.


	24. Chapter 24

            “You should sit down,” Sam sighed as he watched you struggle to put an ornament on the tree, your hands shaking as you stood on your tiptoes.

            “No,” you shook your head and managed to reach the branch you were aiming for.

            He huffed quietly and went over to you, putting his hands on your hips and gently pulling you away from the tree.

            “Sit.” He made you go to the couch and gently pushed your shoulders so you’d sit.

            You groan and flopped down, giving him big puppy eyes as you nuzzled into the couch cushion.

            “Leave me alone.” You pouted, turning away from him.

            “Oh come on,” he knelt down and ran his hand through your hair, “you’re three days away from giving birth. You’ve gotta take it easy.”

            “Don’t remind me,” you mumble, sighing softly, “when are Annie and Dean coming?”

            “In about fifteen minutes.” Sam watched you, worried about how you felt.

            “Can I sleep until they get here?”

            “Yeah,” Sam nodded and kissed your forehead.

            You curled up (as much as you could), and Sam put a blanket over you. As you started to drift off, you felt a sharp pain and your eyes shot open.

            “No, no, no,” you groaned, pouting as you tried to curl up tighter.

            “What?” Sam asked, his eyes big.

            “I think I’m hav—having a contraction.” You clutched your bump and squeezed your eyes shut.

            “Oh,” he quickly knelt down and took your hand, letting you squeeze it as much as you needed.

            It felt like five minutes, but in reality, it was about a minute and a half, and by the time it was over, tears had spilled out of your eyes.

            “It’s okay,” Sam said softly, shifting so he was sitting next to you.

            Carefully, you climbed onto his lap and nuzzled into his neck, biting your lip.

            It was strange to see Bobby’s house all decorated, but it soothed you a little bit. Sam played with your hair in an attempt to calm you down, sighing shakily.

            “Don’t scare me like that again,” he mumbled, kissing your forehead.

            “Sorry,” you sniffed, rubbing your eyes again.

            Just in time, Bobby came into the room, holding Violet’s hands above her head as she stomped around.

            “You two got that tree up quick—why’s it half decorated?” He glanced over at you two and raised an eyebrow.

            “Contraction.” Sam answered his look, nodding a little.

            “Oh—um, do you need anything?” Bobby asked as he picked up Violet.

            “No,” you said softly, shaking your head, “I just wanna sleep.”

            “Go on upstairs then,” Bobby nodded, “it’ll be more comfortable than the couch.”

            “Okay,” you got up shakily and steadied yourself, which made Sam get up too.

            “Let me carry you,” he placed his hand on the small of your back, just about to go and scoop you up.

            “No,” you shook your head, “you stay here and help decorate, okay?” You tried to smile as brightly as you could. “I can get up there just fine.”

            “Okay…” Sam nodded and watched you worriedly.

            “I love you,” you kissed his cheek and started up the stairs.

            “I love you too.” He bit his lip, watching as you cautiously climbed the steps.


	25. Chapter 25

            About an hour later you woke up, your hands clutching your bump as you pouted, biting your lip to keep from crying out.

            Shaking, you managed to sit up and stand, taking deep breaths, you got to the door.

            “Sam?” You asked as you opened it, holding onto the doorknob tightly, “Sam?”

            “Yeah?” He called up the stairs.

            “Come here please,” you whine, slowly kneeling down.

            You rested your head on the doorframe, trying to breathe as evenly as you could.

            He came up and looked at you with big eyes, “oh…” Sam mumbled softly and knelt down, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

            You clutched onto his shirt and sniffed, nuzzling into his neck. It took another minute and a half for it to go away, but once it finally did, you rubbed your eyes and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

            “Thank you,” you mumbled softly.

            “It’s okay,” he shook his head and played with your hair, “I love you.”

            “I love you too,” you smiled just a little bit, looking up at him with big eyes.

            “C’mere,” Sam picked you up and held you tightly, carrying you downstairs.

            You smiled a bit more and rested against his shoulder, sighing softly.

            “Annie, would you grab that blanket for me?” He asked her once he got you back on the first floor.

            “Yeah,” she smiled and nodded, grabbing the big, soft blanket.

            Sam set you down and took it from her, wrapping you up tightly in it. “Here you go, baby.”

            “Thank you,” you smiled and curled up, nuzzling into one of the pillows.

            “Violet!” Dean gasped jokingly, “how dare you?” He held her tight and dipped her, making her giggle wildly.

            “Violet, mommy’s getting close to having the new babies. Are you ready to be a big sister?” Sam asked, going over to tickle her belly.

            She wiggled and laughed harder, trying to bat his hands away.

            “How close do you think?” Dean asked, glancing up at you.

            “Contractions have been an hour apart so far,” you nodded, “I just want it to be over already.”

            “Well… Couldn’t you guys do some stuff to get it to… y’know, start?” Dean asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

            You blushed and looked at Sam, “well, I guess.”

            “Dean, don’t be nasty.” He scolded quietly, shaking his head, “we’re celebrating the holidays, we’re not gonna try to push a baby out of y/n. If it happens, it happens, but she’s not looking forward to it.”

            You shook your head and sighed, “I just want it over and done with—like last time.”

            “Um, last time wasn’t ideal,” Dean reminded you. “You were sick.”

            “I know,” you mumbled softly, rubbing your eyes. “It was just easier.”

            “There weren’t three babies to be had,” Sam took Violet from Dean’s arms and went over to you, kissing the top of your head.

            “Yeah…” You sighed, “don’t remind me.”

            “It’ll be okay,” Sam nodded and smiled, nudging you lightly, “you’ll be able to do it.”

             “Hell, you’ve shaped these boys from hunters to a father and an uncle—three little babies won’t stop you.” Bobby reminded as he came into the room with cookie crumbs in his beard.

            You bust out into a grin and mimed wiping your chin, “um… Bobby you might wanna…”

            “What?” He asked as he wiped his beard, then laughed a bit as he realized what you were talking about. “Oh, thanks.”

            “Anytime,” you smiled.

            After a beat of silence, you felt it again, and your eyes got wide as you quickly stretched out against the couch, trying to stop the pain.

            “Oh—wow—no, um— _wow_ \--,” you squeezed your eyes shut and sniffed, grabbing Sam’s hand and squeezing tightly.

            “Woah, hey,” Sam quickly gave Violet to Dean and squeezed your hand, looking at everyone else worriedly.

            It lasted longer than the other two, and made you shake harder than before.

            “Okay, um, hospital time,” Sam nodded and scooped you up.

            “No, no, no,” you shook your head, “not until my water breaks.”

            “Really?” Sam groaned, “but—it just went from an hour to like five minutes.”

            “No,” you shook your head, “it’s not time, Sam, I can feel it.”

            He sighed and bit his lip, “okay… But you tell me when it’s time.”

            “I will,” you nodded.

            Everyone watched you for a minute, definitely worried.

            “Okay, you’re freaking me out,” you confessed, “please stop looking at me.”

            “Alright,” Dean shook his head, snapping out of it, “what were we all gonna do?”

            “Um, well, we had some cookie making planned.” Annie nodded, looking between Bobby and Sam, “should we start that?”

            “Yeah,” Sam nodded, and offered you a hand, “wanna go?”

            “Um—just a minute,” you nodded, “I uh… I kinda wanted to talk to Bobby.”

            He blinked and looked at you in surprise, “oh—okay, sweetheart.” Bobby nodded and came over to you.

            After a minute, everyone shuffled out, leaving the two of you alone.

            “What’d you wanna talk about, kid?” He asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

            “Well… Y’know, um, I wasn’t planning on my family coming to the wedding until a couple weeks ago, but um—well, with my dad in prison, and, I mean, we weren’t close, so I wasn’t gonna even ask him anyway… But—would you um… Walk me down the aisle?” You asked quietly, staring at your hands. “You’re more like a dad to me anyways and I just—it would mean _so_ much to me if you did. Cause you could even wear your hat and—and I just… Um… I don’t know, I just wanted to ask and—it’s okay if you say no. I get it if you don’t want to. I was just… Hoping you would.”

            He was quiet, and didn’t do anything for a good minute, until suddenly you felt arms around your shoulders. Bobby hugged you tightly, sniffing quietly, “of course, honey.”

            You smiled and hugged him best as you could, “thank you.”


	26. Chapter 26

            The rest of the afternoon was spent with consistent contractions, which made it so you stayed put the whole night. By the time you were about to head home, you were exhausted, and wanted to sleep for the next week. You gave big hugs to Dean, Annie, and Bobby—but as you pulled away from Annie, you suddenly felt your legs get wet, and your eyes grew wide.

            Annie pulled back, realizing what had just happened, “oh my god.”

            “Oh my god,” you repeated, glancing over at Sam, “we’ve gotta go.”

            “Wait—what?” He asked as he got Violet’s jacket on.

            “My water broke,” you grabbed Annie’s hand and squeezed it tightly, mostly out of fear.

            “Oh— _oh_ ,” he nodded and picked her up, “okay, let’s go.”

            Everyone grabbed their keys and you quickly waddled out to the car, Sam getting in right after you. Annie and Dean had taken Violet and were going to take care of her for the night. Bobby followed the two of you as Sam drove to the hospital. During the drive, your contractions were getting closer and closer together. And once you were there, you could barely walk—which made Sam pick you up.

            He quickly carried you inside, Bobby following behind.

            You clutched onto his jacket and nuzzled into his neck, tuning out to focus on how you felt while he got you checked in. After a minute or two, you were taken from Sam’s arms and placed in a wheel chair.

            “You’re gonna be okay,” you heard Bobby say as he pushed you down the hall to the room that was suddenly being prepped for you.

            You stopped paying attention to what was happening, not caring anymore—just as long as your babies came out soon.

            Before you knew it, you were on the bed in just a t-shirt, Bobby stood by your side, holding your hand. Sam came in a few minutes later and came by your other side, running his hand through your hair.

            The doctor came in and asked you a few questions, which Sam answered because you were pretty out of it. After what felt like a minute, you blinked and looked at the doctor, who was snapping to get your attention.

            “Are you okay?”

            “Oh—um, yeah—just uh, in pain, y’know, and trying to not um, be too scared, I guess.” You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt another contraction.

            “Okay, well, you’re just about ready to push, so take some deep breaths and get ready.” She smiled a little, patting your leg.

            You took a deep breath as instructed and closed your eyes, nodding a little bit once you were ready.

            “Okay sweetheart, give us a push.”

            You squeezed your eyes shut and pushed as hard as you could, which didn’t last long. After just a few seconds, you fell back and shook your head, “I can’t—I can’t.” Tears spilled out of the corners of your eyes.

            “You have to,” a nurse chimed in.

            You shook your head and sniffed, shaking your head.

            “You can do it, baby,” Sam encouraged, kissing your forehead, “you can do it.”

            You took a deep breath and whined softly, waiting until the doctor gave you the go-ahead to push again.

            About twenty five minutes is what it took to get the first baby out, who instantly started to wiggle and cry. Falling back against the pillows, you closed your eyes, shaking as you tried to close your legs—wanting it to be all over.

            “C’mon honey, you’ve got two more to go.” The doctor gently pushed your legs apart, “you’ve got a few minutes, okay?”

            “Okay,” you nodded, taking as deep of breaths as you could.

            Sam took your hand again and squeezed it tightly, watching you with worried eyes.

            “C—Come here,” you begged, scooting a little bit over so he could sit next to you.

            Though confused, he did what you said, and you stretched just a bit, resting your head on his shoulder, starting to cry.

            “Oh sweetheart…” He said softly as he shuffled as close to you as he could, carefully wrapping an arm around you.

            Your body shook as you clutched onto him, not ready for these next two babies.

            “y/n? y/n, it’s time to push again.” The doctor looked at you, knowing you were in pain.

            You shook your head and tried to scoot away, but the doctor pulled you right back to where you had been and looked you in the eyes.

            “You can do it, y/n.” She said, then glanced at Sam, “right?”

            “Right,” Sam nodded and sat up a bit, keeping his hand on your back. “Here..” He gave you his other hand, which you clutched onto, trying to nod like you agreed with them.

            “Okay honey, it’s time to push again.” The doctor encouraged you.

            You nodded and pushed as best as you could—which did more than you thought it had.

            “One more big one should do it,” she smiled up at you.

            After a few seconds, you nodded, and pushed once more—except, this time it must not have done it, because the doctor frowned and glanced at Sam.

            “Okay—just one more big one, one more, can you do that?”

            “No,” you started to cry again, shaking your head.

            “You have to, honey,” she told you.

            You shook your head and looked away from her and Sam, making eye contact with Bobby.

            “You can do it, kid,” he smiled, a fear tears spilling out of his eyes. “Do you wanna see your baby?”

            After a second, you nodded and watched him.

            “Get this baby out and I’ll get them both for you.” He told you, squeezing your hand.

            “Okay,” you sighed and squeezed your eyes shut, and gave the strongest push you could—which got you a cry from a very tiny baby.

            You fell back and closed your eyes, taking deep breaths. After a few seconds, you felt a baby be placed in your arms. Your eyes fluttered open and you smiled when you saw him wiggle his fingers.

            “Oh…” You said softly, smiling as you watched your baby nuzzle further into his blanket.

            “And here’s number two,” Bobby said, gesturing to Sam, who held her tightly in his arms.

            “Wow,” you mumbled, then suddenly felt very, _very_ bad. “Bobby—take him, take him now.” You were urgent, and though confused, he took the baby from your arms.

            “Oh hold on,” a nurse said, looking around, “just hold on honey.

            You started to gag and, thankfully, a nurse got a little bean-shaped bowl under your mouth before you threw up. Your shoulders started shaking as you threw up everything in you. It was almost ten minutes of throwing up and then dry heaving before you fell back. Another nurse gave you water to gargle. Your eyelids felt droopy as you laid down, taking shallow breaths.

            “Okay we’re gonna give you a few minutes but we can’t wait too long,” the doctor told you, and you nodded.

            There was a short amount of time before you needed to push again.

            “Woah, honey,” the doctor looked up at you, “no, no, not yet, just wait—you need to rest.”

            “I have you,” you shook your head and pushed without meaning to.

            “Oh— _oh_ ,” the doctor’s eyes got wide and you could feel her put her hands under the baby, “push again honey.”

            You did as she said and suddenly, she was shouting at a few nurses, who rushed out of the room. You were too focused on pushing to hear what she said, but Sam and Bobby looked confused when you glanced at them. The baby was out of you but you didn’t hear a cry, but rather the doctor working rapidly with the help of a nurse.

            They turned away with your baby—who looked purple from where you were sitting.

            “What’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up. “What’s going on?”

            “Nothing,” a nurse told you, coming over to gently push you back into the bed, “we need you to rest.”

            No, tell me what’s going on with my baby.” You pointed to the doctor and nurse who were doing something.

            “Um, well, she’s uh—she’s not breathing, and they’re trying to get her going again.” She nodded, “they’re about to take her to NICU, okay?”

            “Oh—oh, um, okay…” You nodded, shaking a little. “So—so we’ve got two girls and a boy?”

            “Mhm, and—she’s doing real—“

            Suddenly there was another cry and you relaxed, falling back against the bed, taking shaky breaths.

            “They’re still gonna take her to NICU to watch her, but she’s here and she’s doing as best as she can,” the nurse smiled, nodding a bit.

            “Thank you.” You mumbled, quickly starting to fall asleep.


	27. Chapter 27

            When you woke up, you saw Sam sitting in the corner of the room, holding your babies. One had deep brown hair—the boy, and the other had bright blonde hair. You sat up a bit and stretched.

            “Can I see one?” You held out your arms, smiling.

            “Oh—of course,” he smiled, looking over at you. He got up and handed you your son, who wiggled a little bit during the transfer.

            “So wiggly,” you laughed, settling him against your chest. “Did you hear anything about our other one?”

            “She’s getting better, much more stable now but they’re gonna keep her overnight.” Sam nodded, sitting on the edge of your bed. “So… Names?”

            “You still okay with Lincoln?” You asked, glancing down at your boy.

            Sam smiled and nodded, “of course I am.”

            “And for her?”

            “Didn’t you like Winnie?” He asked.

            “Yeah, but she doesn’t look like a Winnie.” You shook your head.

            “What other name then?” Sam looked at her, running his thumb over her cheek.

            “Hannah?”

            Sam made a face and shook his head, “not a Hannah.”

            “Alice?”

            “Mmmm, not an Alice either.” Sam shook his head again.

            “What name do you like?” You asked, reaching out to fix his hair.

            “Um… I kinda like Holly,” he nodded, biting his lip.

            “I like that too,” you smiled and kissed his cheek.

            “So Lincoln and Holly?” Sam smiled, biting his lip.

            “Lincoln and Holly,” you nodded in confirmation.

            A few hours later, your last baby was wheeled in, tightly bundled up in a purple blanket.

            Your other two babies were asleep in the nursery, giving you time to be with your littlest one (she was _much_ smaller in comparison to her siblings).

            “Oh..” You said softly, sitting up and holding your arms out.

            The nurse placed her against your chest, and you smiled, holding her close. Once you were all settled, she left the three of you alone.

            “Now she’s a Winnie,” Sam nodded, smiling as he scooted closer.

            “Yes she is.” You agreed, grinning as you ran your fingers along her back. “She’s so small…”

            “I mean, there was only so much room inside of you,” Sam shrugged, “I’m surprised that Lincoln and Holly are so big, honestly.”

            “Yeah…” You nodded in agreement and bit your lip, “we just had three babies.”

            “ _You_ had the babies, I was just here for moral support,” he laughed, “are you ready to get married?”

            You laughed and shook your head, “I think I need a few months.”

            “Of course,” he smiled, kissing your cheek, “we’re not gonna get married tomorrow, I want you to find the perfect dress and everything to make it what you want it to be.”

            “And everything you want it to be,” you nodded, “do you wanna hold her?”

            “Yes please,” he laughed softly and plucked her from your arms, holding her close to his body.

            “She looks even smaller against you,” you grinned, biting your lip.

            “Right?” Sam asked, smiling as he lightly bounced her.

            A light knock on the door and you looked up, smiling when you saw Annie and Dean. He held Violet, who was asleep, nuzzled in close to his neck.

            “Hey,” Annie smiled, looking between the two of you. “I thought there were three?”

            “Oh—yeah, but um, the other two are in the nursery, this one—“ You gestured to Winnie, “she wasn’t breathing when she came out so she’s been in the NICU, but we get to see her for a little bit tonight.”

            “Oh—wow, _wow_ , she’s so small…” Annie smiled, walking over to Sam.

            “This is Winnie,” he grinned proudly, showing her off to Annie and Dean.

            “The other two are Lincoln and Holly,” you smiled, glancing at Dean. “Can I see my baby?”

            “Of course,” he nodded and set Violet down in your lap.

            She wiggled and whined, nuzzling close to you.

            “Hi baby,” you laughed, playing with her hair. “Someone’s sleepy.”

            “We were up late watching _Frozen_ ,” Dean nodded, “y’know how it is.”

            “Oh,” you laughed a bit, nodding.

            “She was singing along.” Annie mentioned as Sam handed Winnie over to her.

            “That’s good!” You smiled and kissed the top of her head.

            “She was also trying to ask where you and Sam were,” Annie nit her lip, “it wasn’t all that clear, but she kept saying ‘ma’ and ‘da’ and wiggling her hands like this.” She demonstrated the sign for ‘where’ with one hand.

            “Ohhh,” Sam nodded and played with Violet’s hair. “She’s getting really good with her signs.”

            “You’re telling me,” Dean smiled, “we practiced a little bit tonight.”

            “Thank you,” you smiled and sighed softly, shuffling a bit so you were more comfortable.

            “So now it’s time to start wedding planning, huh?” Annie asked, smiling.

            “Yeah,” you laughed softly and nodded, “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

            “Well, I’m always here to help,” Annie winked and grinned, “but really, we should let you be so you can get some rest.”

            Dean nodded in agreement and held his arms out for Violet. Carefully you reach over and hand him your oldest, kissing her cheek before she settled against his chest.

            “We’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Annie nodded and handed Winnie back to Sam.

            “Get some rest—both of you,” Dean looked at Sam and gave him a curt nod, implying that he needed sleep just as much as you did.


	28. Chapter 28

            Seven months flew by, Violet turned a year old and was learning faster than you had expected her to. Sam stopped hunting completely, as well as Dean (who had gotten Annie knocked up three months after your triplets were born); and the two of you got even closer. Annie was just as headstrong as you and tried to keep doing everything by herself, though Dean pushed for her to accept his help.

            After a bit of time, you had told her that accepting help was much easier than pushing Dean away. Which he thanked you for later on when Annie was getting bigger. But during those seven months, you were wedding planning—which felt like a long time considering how small your wedding was going to be. But the first two months of the triplets being home was difficult to adjust to and it took a while to get used to it.

            Violet’s hearing only got worse, but you didn’t let it stop anything. You and Sam taught her sign language, and you often saw Dean and Bobby practicing with her. She was doing remarkably well considering how young she was. Your sister had pulled through her injuries, and your dad was put into a facility where doctors would monitor his progress and try to find the best kind of treatment for him. You hadn’t seen him since you had run away, and you were still fine with that. Though he sent many letters to you and your family, apologizing for everything that had happened.

            But you were too busy to spend too much time thinking about it, he still needed help and you couldn’t do anything for him until he confronted his issues and got better.

            That was the last thing on your mind today, though, as you sat with Annie, your sister, and Violet in a bridal shop. Your knee bounced as you looked around the shop—a little nervous that you weren’t going to find your dress.

            “You’ll be okay,” your sister reminded you.

            “What if I don’t find it though?” You asked, biting your lip.

            “You will,” Annie reassured you, “and if you don’t, then we’ll go somewhere else.”

            “Okay…” You nodded and kissed the top of Violet’s head.

            She giggled and wiggled around, flailing her arms as she reached for Annie.

            “Come here,” she laughed and picked Violet up, who patted Annie’s bump.

            A few minutes later, one of the employees came up to you and took you to look at dresses. Annie and Julia followed you, picking out a few dresses that they liked. You didn’t really know what you were looking for, and were pretty open to anything.

            It was _hours_ of trying on dresses, and you were getting overwhelmed.

            “I don’t wanna try on anymore,” you mumbled, sitting down in the chair that was in the fitting room.

            “Why not?” The girl asked, kneeling down to talk to you.

            “I just—I don’t know. This is all a lot and I just… I feel like a mother, not a bride.” You confessed, sighing.

            “Well… You’ve got one more dress to try on,” she patted your knee, “and I think it’ll make you feel really good.”

            “How do you know?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

            “I mean, this is my job,” she laughed softly, “I’ve helped thousands of women find their dress. Plus, you’ve been trying on pretty much all ball gowns. That’s not everyone’s MO.”

            You nodded a little and sighed, “yeah, you’ve got a point…”

            “So this last one is an A-line and much different than any of the others,” she smiled, “so just try one more—for your sisters and your daughter.”

            After a second, you nodded and sighed, “okay, okay.”

            She helped you into the final dress—and you kept your eyes shut. Something told you not to look until you were out with Julia, Annie, and Violet. The girl buttoned up the back of the dress and lead you out to the girls.

            Both of them gasped quietly, and finally, you opened your eyes. The girl had been right—this final dress was worth it. It was a few layers of tulle on the bottom, not enough to puff out, but rather gathered around you beautifully, the bodice was silk and adorned with small gemstones in a pattern similar to rosemaling. The sleeves were draped around your shoulders similar to Belle’s from _Beauty and the Beast_. But they were made of the same tulle that the skirt was, and they were tight enough against your arms to hold the dress up.

            You turned around to see the back in the mirror and saw that it was all small buttons. You grinned a little and rubbed your eyes, then saw your sister get up and smile, grabbing something out of her purse.

            “Mom wanted you to have this,” she handed you a veil—the one your mom wore to her own wedding.

            You grinned even more and (with some help) put it on. It was cathedral length—which had always been a small fantasy of yours. Annie was a mess right away and started rubbing her eyes, laughing a bit at herself.

            “Wow—just—wow,” she smiled, shaking her head, “Sam would _love_ it.”

            “I love it,” you smiled and spun around again, seeing how the dress moved.

            “So… Is this the dress?” The girl asked.

            “Yeah,” you smiled, laughing softly, “for sure.”

            You put the order in for the dress and the four of you ladies left.

            “I should probably get back home..” You mumbled, “Sam and Dean are probably going crazy with the babies.”

            “Oh—well, um, actually…” Annie smirked a little bit and looked at Julia, “we were gonna watch the kids for tonight so you and Sam could have some time together.”

            “Wait—what?” You blinked in surprise, shifting Violet so she was on your other hip.

            “Yeah, Dean, Julia, Bobby and I are gonna watch the babies for the night so you and Sam can…” Annie waved her hand a little in place of saying what she meant.

            You blushed pretty bad and laughed softly, “oh—well, um, okay.”

            “Sam is over at Annie and Dean’s with the babies and we’re gonna help you get ready,” Julia nodded, grinning a little.

            “Get ready?” You raised an eyebrow.

            “Shaved, showered, and lingerie’d,” Annie smirked a bit.

            You blushed even more and laughed softly, “oh… Okay, I guess.”

            “C’mon,” your sister smiled and tugged you out to the car. You got in along with everyone, and started to drive back to your place.

            While you _had_ been taking care of yourself in the past seven months, you hadn’t really gone out of your way to appear ‘sexy’ or anything. You were a mother of four, you had other things to do besides being hot. And you and Sam hadn’t exactly been thinking about your romantic life since the babies had come into the world.

            But you weren’t complaining—it would be nice to be close with Sam again. A few hours later you were shaved, showered, and applying makeup (with Annie’s help). It’d been forever since you had tried to look nice, and you couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed as you sat on your bed, in just a towel while Julia did your hair, making it nice and soft.

            Once you were done, your sister handed you a bag and winked, “he’ll be here in half an hour.”

            “Oh man, okay,” you nodded and bit your lip. “Thank you, you guys. Really.”

            “Of course,” Annie gave you a hug and Julia patted your shoulder.

            The two left quickly and you changed into the lingerie that had been picked out for you—a little light blue number that barely covered anything. You sat on the bed, kicking your legs as  you waited for Sam to come home.

            Falling back onto the bed, you patted your stomach, tracing the stretchmarks that ran all around it. You suddenly felt embarrassed and quickly got up, going to the bathroom. You got dressed into one of Sam’s shirts and some sweatpants, taking the makeup off and tying your hair up so it’d be out of the way.

            You went to the kitchen and started washing dishes—figuring that you had some time before Sam would get there. But your judgment was off, because just a few minutes into washing, the door opened. Sam walked in with some flowers and glanced at you, smiling sweetly as he kicked off his shoes.

            He set the flowers down on the kitchen table and went over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. Sam pressed against you, placing kisses along your shoulders as you turned the faucet off.

            “Hey baby,” you smiled and dried off your hands, tilting your head to the side so he had more room to kiss.

            “Hi sweetheart,” he grinned into your skin, his hands smoothing down to your hips.

            You blushed awfully bad and turned around to look at him, one of your hands going to tangle in his hair while the other pressed against his chest.

            “How’re the kids?”

            “They’re good,” Sam nodded and picked you up, setting you on the counter. He settled between your legs and watched your eyes, grinning cutely.

            “Good.” You bit your lip and fixed his hair, wiggling your hips a little. “I um—I know you probably expected me to look all… Hot or whatever, but um—I just, I don’t know, I didn’t feel comf—“

            Sam cut you off with a kiss, his hands gripping your waist as he tugged you to the edge of the counter. He pulled back slowly.

            “You look more beautiful than ever,” he reassured you, resting his forehead against yours.

            It caught you off guard, but you smiled and kissed him again—wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist.

            He picked you up and carried you into your room, leading to one of the best nights you two had had in a long, long while.


	29. Chapter 29

            You woke up on the middle of the night, tucked tight into Sam’s side. His arm was wrapped tight around you, but the urge to get some water was overwhelming, so you had to shimmy out from under his arm and climb off the bed. Quietly, you walked out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen and got yourself some water.

            Something felt strange in the apartment, and you glanced over your shoulder as you sipped your water. In the corner stood a figure like the ones you’d seen when you were ghost hunting with Sam and Dean.

            “Holy—“ You almost shouted as you flipped around and grabbed the salt, but she put her hands up and shook her head quickly.

            “No, no, hold on,” she shook her head, her eyes wide as she held her hands up in defense.

            “Wh—Who? What—What’re you..?” You shook your head, still wielding the salt. “ _What_ are you and _what_ are you doing in my kitchen?”

            “I’m Mary,” she sighed, and gestured to one of the seats at the table, “sit with me.”

            “Mary? Like… Sam’s mom, Mary?” You asked, staying at a distance, watching her.

            “Yes.” She smiled a little, “I just want to talk to you.”

            “Oh.. Um, okay, but I’d uh—I’d rather stand.” You nodded and set down the salt and your glass of water.

            “Okay, okay, that’s—fair.” She nodded and sat at the table, facing you.

            “So… What did you wanna talk about?” You asked, playing with your hands.

            “I just…” She paused for a second, then smiled, “I heard you two were getting married. And—wow, I’ve seen my grandkids and I’m… Blown away. To say the least.”

            “You are?” You asked, actually surprised.

            “Yeah,” Mary nodded, “I mean, I’ve been following my boys their whole lives and I just can’t believe how you’ve shaped them.”

            “For the worst sometimes,” you mumbled softly.

            “Everyone makes mistakes.” She shook her head, “but I just—I’m so glad to see them settling down. And especially now since you two have a family—and hell, Dean starting his.” Mary laughed softly, “I’m just so happy for you all. And I needed to see you, to talk to you.”

            “Oh, wow—um…” You closed your eyes and felt something move, “am I dreaming?”

            “Yeah,” Mary nodded, “at least, you should be.”

            “Oh, okay, okay.” You sighed in relief and bit your lip, “you have two wonderful boys, y’know.”

            “They’re your boys now, aren’t they?” She joked lightly, “thank you for taking care of them.”

            “Hell, they’ve been taking care of me.” You shrugged, tossing your arms out to your sides, “I’ve been a pain in their necks since they picked me up—and after I got pregnant? I was worse.”

            “You were growing up,” she nodded knowingly, “and you helped my boys realize what’s important to them.”

            You smiled at her and stayed quiet, taking it all in. While it was a dream, it was incredibly real, but at the same time you could feel Sam pulling you closer in bed as he shifted to lay on his side.

            “They mean a lot to me.” You finally said, “they saved my life. More than once.”

            “Can you promise me something?” Mary asked, getting up from her seat.

            “Depends on what it is,” you shrug, feeling a bit more relaxed.

            “Don’t tell Sam that I came to talk to you. Or Dean. They’ll just… I don’t know, obsess like their father did and try to get me back, or something.” She shook her head and went over to you.

            “I promise I won’t,” you smiled and nodded.

            She sighed happily and bit her lip. “You make a lovely bride.”

            “Thank you, Mary.” You felt yourself get tight in the chest as you smiled, waving your hand a little, “you said you’ve been following them?”

            “Yes, and, now, you as well. And the kids, when I have time.”

            “Come on the day of the wedding then, will you?” You smiled more, wanting so much to hug her.

            “Of course I’ll be there.” She nodded and laughed softly, “I’m not missing my son’s wedding.”

            “Okay good,” you laughed in relief. “Okay, well, I’m gonna wake up and get some real water.”

            “Sounds good,” she nodded and went back to the table.

            “Don’t be a stranger,” you said before you shifted and stretched, opening your eyes to find yourself still in your room, pressed right up against Sam.


	30. Chapter 30

            The weeks passed and you found yourself on your wedding day, sitting in a small room that the church had designated for you to get ready in. Your dress fit perfectly now—and everything felt right. Violet held onto the wall and waddled her way around, getting closer to you.

            “Hey baby,” you smiled, holding your arms out to her.

            She squealed and wiggled her butt, letting go of the wall to quickly run over to you—stumbling a lot on her way over. You caught her just before she fell and scooped her up in your arms, kissing all over her face—earning _many_ giggles.

            Your sister walked into the room and grinned when she saw the two of you.

            “Oh be careful! Your makeup!” She warned, laughing as she quickly walked over, her own dress dragging lightly on the floor.

            “It’ll be fine,” you shushed her, setting Violet on your hip, “is everyone here?”

            “Yeah,” she nodded, “Bobby’s just talking to the boys before he comes to get you.”

            “Oh—you and Annie should probably take Violet then.”

            “Yeah, we came to get her but Annie had to stop at the bathroom first,” Julia explained.

            “Ohhh,” you handed Violet over, who pouted and kept wiggling.

            “Soon, baby. Do you wanna see Daddy?” You asked, fixing her short curls.

            She grinned and nodded, patting her hands together “da!”

            “That’s right!” Julia smiled, bouncing her, “your Daddy!”

            “Go and see him, okay?” You kissed her cheek, leaving a light lipstick print behind.

            Julia laughed and left with Violet. You turned to look at yourself in the mirror and carefully placed your veil, your hands shaking just a little bit. You stared at yourself, in disbelief that you had even gotten to this point in your life. It was more than you had ever thought—and there you were, in a beautiful dress, with nice makeup, your hair all done beautifully.

            You were looking yourself over when you heard a knock, and you flipped around and looked at the door, where Bobby peeked his head in.

            “Oh—hi,” you smiled, smoothing out the front of your dress as you walked over to him.

            “Hi,” he bit his lip and adjusted his hat, “you look—“

            “Silly, I know,” you laughed softly, but Bobby shook his head.

            “Beautiful.”

            You blushed and waved your hands, “oh gosh—no, I’m just—no, I’m not.”

            “Don’t deny it,” Bobby shook his head, “you look fantastic, dear.”

            “Thank you,” you blushed more and looked at your hands, “are you ready?”

            “Are _you_ ready?” He asked, going over to you.

            You waited a moment, thinking it over before you smiled and nodded, “yeah. I’ve been ready for a while.”

            Bobby took your hands and gently pulled you out, the two of you made your way to the small chapel. A soft song (not the wedding march, you had decided against that a long time ago) played and you saw Julia and Annie each take one of Violet’s hands and walk with her down the aisle. Your brothers and nephews walked down the aisle too. And finally, you got to walk down the aisle with Bobby.

            Sam was holding Violet, who had become fussy and just wanted to be with her dad. Your mom was sitting with the twins in the first pew, and as you walked, you couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. Your chest tightened and you smiled, tears starting to roll down your cheeks. You bit your lip and hugged Bobby once you reached the arch. Sam looked over at you and had to do a double take—he blinked in surprise when he saw you.

            He shifted how he held Violet and watched you like he’d never seen you before. Sam smiled and shuffled in his spot, taking a deep breath as he laughed softly, quickly wiping his eyes. You laughed softly and went to stand across from him. He held out one hand and you took it, squeezing it thankfully.

            The ceremony went beautifully—Violet deciding at one point to loudly shout ‘mommy’ when you got to say your vows. It earned quite a few laughs, which was more than worth it. But soon you were back at your home with your babies and Sam, you put the three to bed and finished up packing—Annie and Dean had insisted that you went on a honeymoon. You’d be leaving the next morning.

            Climbing into bed, you curled up next to Sam, smiling as you reached up and kissed his cheeks.  
            “I love you.”

            “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I don't know where to go from here, so I think this is going to be the last chapter unless someone suggests something or someone gives me some more ideas. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I'm so sorry it's been so long. I'm gonna try to update as much as possible. I started going through some rough stuff and I'm just starting to feel better, so I'm gonna start writing more and hopefully you like what's to come!


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